Key puts lipstick on TPP pig

LET'S not mince words about it. The retention of our flag, while it reflects well on the judgment of ordinary New Zealanders and their loyalty to their history, was a political disaster for John Key.

No amount of TV blitz or celebrity endorsement or last-minute fearmongering - "It's our last chance" (false) or "Without it, who'll trade with us?" (answer: everyone who wants to) - could dissuade us to give up common sense.

What does a pol do to distract from the failure of a distraction? In John Key's case he gets out of country to the United States, where he quickly gets into the weeds politically on the Trans-Pacific Partnership agreement, the very thing the flag was meant to cover up.

Mr Key goes to Washington. This time no invitation from or meeting with President Obama - but that's not surprising. Despite the fact that Key and Obama agree on the TPP, Key made the political blunder of addressing his support for it to the US Chamber of Commerce. And that's despite the fact that the Chamber heartily supports the TPP - after all, some of its lawyers wrote it. Unlike local organisations similarly named, the US Chamber of Commerce is the most powerful, heavily financed lobbying group for large corporations. Its website - uscham.com/1X8FgSP - states clearly (well, not exactly clearly, but circumspectly) that its political aims are directly in opposition to Obama's. It is against any regulation that would impinge on corporate profit, whether it is fossil fuels, tobacco, big Pharma or regulations placed on financials to prevent another 2007-2008 financial crisis.

It opposed Obamacare and aims to "reform" the social safety net, social security (superannuation) which it labels pejoratively "entitlements". It has spent hundreds of millions supporting the Republicans, Obama's opponents. So no White House photo op.

Mr Key's next mis-step, deep in the ungah, was his declaration regarding Donald Trump's intentions toward TPP. Key claims Republican presidential candidate Trump, who opposes TPP, would reverse his stand once elected. According to the prime minister, Trump's present stance "is just campaign promises ... easily changed in office". The comment is more revealing of Mr Key than of Mr Trump, and it's not a good look.

Key's surrogates were busy back home. Locally, Chester Borrows minimised the flag disaster by focusing on its alleged cost of $26 million. As far as can be told, that number represents creative accounting - what with the many weeks of television blanket advertising, the travelling phalanxes of pols urging the tea towel, the printing and mailing ... oh, I forget, that's free.

In any event, Chester says $26 million is just small change. Right. Tell it to the elderly waiting for arthritis surgery, or kids living in damp, cold houses.

But when it comes to the TPP, Chester could finally claim he met a violent protester - one who tried to overturn his car with her foot, thereby unnerving poor Paula Bennett.

The most creative accounting in support of the TPP came from new Trade Minister Todd McClay. He told Lisa Owen on The Nation that the TPP would increase our gross domestic product by $2.7 billion (0.9 per cent) by 2030. He wasn't able to say what it would cost, but has recently amended his calculations, claiming costs of a mere $90 million.

Imaginary numbers were first conceived 2000 years ago by the Greek engineer Heron of Alexandria, who also invented the square root. But the first productive use of imaginary numbers was in 1116 by the Arabian mathematician Ibn Bin Reeben. It is 900 years later and just in time for their use by our own trade minister.

Mr McClay has a mesmerising way of repeating his claims until they sound like fact. Even if McClay's claimed increase in gross domestic product were actual, it would reflect anaemic growth compared to the normal annual increase of GDP of 2.5 per cent due to our own productivity.

As to costs ... well, when those corporate types Mr Key met in Washington get to send their lawyers down here to sink their ISDS hooks into our farms, our workers, our healthcare, why - the sky's the limit.

-Jay Kuten is an American-trained forensic psychiatrist who emigrated to New Zealand for the fly fishing. He spent 40 years comforting the afflicted and intends to spend the rest afflicting the comfortable.