FOR SALE: Political property.
Situated in a side-street alongside other political properties, this one provides real choice for the voter.
It offers promises without boundaries, hot and cold running policies and room for even the most unwelcome of guests.
This will be a winner with the undecided voter or DIYer. Designed with in- and out-flow of ideas depending on which way the wind is blowing, it has seen too many parties come and go and is need of some TLC.
The old slogans are a bit battered and worn and the lack of solid cohesive policy is evident, but it remains an open-plan political platform with view of blues skies, distant horizons and lots of promise.
It is a traditional classic with many outstanding features and the ideal home for the ideal family (whatever that is) whether executive or tradesman. In a good area, where gentrification happened with electrification, there is no threat that a sudden influx of hipsters will upset the neighbourhood.
The ability to flex with the prevailing trends and follow populist movements makes it an ideal home for your vote. Built in the timeless party structure, the exterior has a delightful entertainment area at the front while the rear has all the security features expected of such an institution.
The outdoor area has been landscaped with a variety of sandstone white elephants. The state of the art compost heap provides an ideal place for mulching failed policies and reform proposals and is right next to the chipper and incinerator for the ecological acceptable destruction of secret documents and environmental risky discussion papers.
The layout of the interior reflects the diverse range of opinions that might require accommodation. The "Raise Taxes" room is next to the "Increase Public Spending" room with a door that allows quick movement between them depending on who one is meeting with.
Some of the rooms such as the "Let's Get Tough On Solo Mums Nursery" are on the right of the hallway and others, like the "Creating Employment Workshop" are on the left. The hall is long enough to allow free movement between all the rooms with a back door for a quick and easy exit when times get tough.
All the doors are fitted to open to the left or the right depending on the orientation of the new owner. There is a display area for promises made and ample storage for the broken ones.
The foyer is lined with mirrors, including one on the ceiling, so that anyone arriving or departing can discreetly check their zip or buttons are not undone and tidy their hair. Some visitors have been known to remain in the foyer indefinitely due to sudden enchantment with their own visage and have only been drawn away by the promise of an appearance on TV.
The spacious modern kitchen allows for creative cooking up of plots and the reheating of old arguments with plenty of storage space for keeping old grudges, new regrets and lost opportunities.
The interior is heated by a debate-fired system with the hot air generated by political discussion being recycled throughout the rooms.
The lounge has potential as a party area with a large inbuilt bar, recliners for old retainers and a conversation pit; the ideal setting for entertaining guests with a round of the blame game.
The vendor will consider all offers, including foreign trips to exotic far-flung places, gaming concessions, mineral exploration rights, or a swap deal for part of a national park. Shares in asset sales will not be accepted nor will free trips to North Korea.
Terry Sarten is a writer, musician and satirista currently released from NZ on good behaviour to spend time in Sydney. Feedback: tgs@inspire.net.nz or www.telsarten.com/