We're on stage when he walks over and sings right in my ear. It's now that I am grateful for those sneaky extra pounds as they will make for great padding when, overcome by his velvety voice, I pass out on the spot with all the grace and beauty of breakdancing hippo.
So with the benefit of hindsight I am at peace. I mean how professional would it look when your own backup singer is tossing her undies at you during a live concert.
The past year has also taught me that just when you think you have seen, heard and/or read the most ridiculous thing ever, something will come along and surpass it. A very real example could be two headlines. One read New Deadly Virus Goes Global and the other Kardashian Fart Caught on Tape. I bet my life that the Kardashian story gets more hits, shares and likes than the story of our impending doom. It would have shocked me a year ago but now I am almost resigned to it.
On the political side of events, 2015 left me in no doubt that the only thing a politician will truly commit to standing for is re-election.
Regardless of whether they stand at a local or national level, I think it's fair to say that if they put as much effort and passion into policy and representing the people as they put into their own campaigns and self-promotion, a bloody sight more would be achieved than we currently see.
The same could be said for expenditure. If they budgeted as wisely and cautiously with taxpayer money as with their own personal/business finances, there would be a lot less frittering going on. It's such a simple principle to apply but it's like they're all possessed by a wild devil-like creature once they get hold of the taxpayers' purse strings. All reason escapes as they go on a budgetary bender that won't stop until we are broke and/or broken.
It's an attitude ... "Not my money, no skin off my nose."
But enough looking back. What does the future have on offer?
One can only speculate but I'm picking more PC madness, Social media will be front and centre yet again. Reality TV will reach new lows and continue to be more unrealistic than ever. Technology will continue to blaze a trail that will end up burning many of us via hacking, leaks and scandal. We probably won't learn from past mistakes because that's not how the world's most developed ignorant country rolls.
I'm picking, too, that baby names will continue to be big and newsworthy. In finishing, my New Year's gift to you is my predictions for some possible trendsetting titles for tots.
For the boys, I'm going with Muffler, Homebrew, Integrity, Methuselah (Meth for short) and Raddish. And for the girls I'm leaning towards Citrus, Stiletto, Whimsy, Latte and Hildagrad . I'd love to hear your predictions. Email me: investik8@gmail.com. Until then, Happy New Year and keep smiling loudly.
*Kate Stewart is a politically incorrect columnist who does not suffer fools but does suffer from the occasional bout of hayfever.
