Below is a skilfully engineered quiz, designed to test your budgeting prowess, analytical mind, math skills and priorities.
Behold The MOFO (The Minister Of Finance Opportunity) Test - Have you got what it takes?
1. The country needs a Get Rich Quick scheme. Which of the following methods do you subscribe to?
a. The rob the rich and give to the poor method. b.The time tested rob the taxpayer method. c. "Can I have my support person with me before I answer that?"
2. Three politicians walk into a bar, one orders a pint of beer, one a pint of wine and the other a pint of vodka, what's the fairest way to pay?
a. Everyone should pay for their own drink. b. Whack it on the expense account for the taxpayer to take care of. c."Does the bar have a gender neutral toilet?"
3. You're facing a huge budget blowout, who or what do you blame it on?
a. I come clean and admit my mistake. b. The crappy NCEA system that gifted me enough credits to think I was actually good at Math. c. Donald Trump - everything that goes wrong in the world today is his fault.
4. Complete the following phrase - The economic success of the country relies on:
a. Raising the standard of living. b. Raising taxes. c. Raising families with no stereotypes.
5. If the answer is Pi, what is the question?
a. What is 3.14159265359? b. What did I have for lunch? c. Can I ask my Facebook friends?
6. Recently released figures show we somehow "lost" 60,000 immigrants in a count. How do you account for this huge statistical blunder?
a. They were stuck in motorway traffic at the time of the count. b. Can I Google it? c. Ask Donald Trump, he's bound to know.
7. What would be your recommendation for all the Government Departments that are constantly blowing their budgets?
a. Introduce a salary cap for upper management and forbid "golden handshakes". b. Pay the men the same as their rate the women are getting paid - how's that for equality. c. "I don't like your tone, I'm feeling bullied and harassed."
8. Is it fair that a family earning $100,000, is still entitled to financial aid in the form of an IFTC, while beneficiaries and low-paid single workers continue to live below the breadline?
a. Absolutely not. b. "I'm sorry, I was busy Tweeting, could you repeat the question." c. "I must insist that when you address me, you use my preferred pronoun."
9. If 2+2=4 and X = 27, what's X + 12,487 - 61 + 4,952.193 divided by Y + 7 pork bellies, 3 chocolate fondants, 2 lattes, a bottle of Jack Daniels and an 18 per cent rise in GST?
a. A trick question. b. Sounds like my standard taxpayer funded dinner. c. "Did Donald Trump ask you to ask me that?"
If you answered mainly A, congratulations. You are the perfect person for the job, which is precisely why you will never get it. You're far too empathetic, fair and understanding. We're so sorry to have wasted your valuable time (not really). Don't call us, we'll call you.
If you answered mainly B. What a complete jackass! The job is yours ... when can you start?
And finally, if you answered mainly C, though you pride yourself on being politically correct, you are not correct for this position. You're far too much of a wishy-washy sycophant. In the words of Donald Trump, "You're fired"- but your Certificate of Participation will be mailed out to you shortly.
- investik8@gmail.com
