We all know Japan is trying to reassert its position in the world. Perhaps part of their strategy is to use Japanese-speaking cars - in their eyes, perhaps, a sensible way to spread civilisation, make the car a fifth columnist, the ideal apostle of Japanese culture.
This is not a new technique. Traditionally, a certain type of Englishman refused to learn foreign languages in the belief that if he spoke louder and louder in English the foreigners would understand in the end.
As I pull away from the kerb with the car shouting in Japanese, I am left wondering ... Did it say "the brakes are about to fail" or "I am about to run out of petrol" or "we should have won the war, you stinking British hypocrite"? It could be any of them, but perhaps it just said "good morning".
Still, accelerating away knowing your car wishes to address you on some topic but cannot make itself understood is nerve-wracking.
There is only one answer: learn Japanese. Not the scientific terms Lord Todd would have mastered, but basic expressions like "Stop now", "Your brakes have failed", "Beware learner driver - bandit at 3 o'clock", which would clearly be useful.
But learning Japanese is not enough ... suppose the next car I hire is Chinese. That is a difficult language because the intonation changes, depending upon the part of China in question, so you would need to know exactly where the car was made.
Then suppose the next car is German. Well, at least I have the rudiments of that - "heil", "achtung", and "donner und blitzen" were staples of an English education in the 1950s and 60s.
But supposing the car only spoke French. That would be more difficult than all the other languages put together.
We all think we know a bit of French, but when we try to use it, the whole French nation combines to prevent us from doing so successfully.
Sometimes misunderstandings are down to us - a question of accent, perhaps. I vividly remember confessing to a French landlady that I had "cass une verre" to find that, instead of bringing a dustpan and brush, she brought coffee for two.
Sometimes confusion arises because of the French temperament.
I was once driven into Paris during rush-hour in a large old Rover car. Behind was our caravan - large, with a prominent GB sticker.
There seemed to be some rule about not pulling a caravan through Paris in the rush-hour, and we decided to ask a policeman about it. There one stood, on one of those small bandstand-like creations at a major intersection, directing traffic to make sure it flowed without impediment past one of the gates of Paris.
A window was wound down, car and the caravan was blocking all traffic on the four intersecting roads. "Monsieur," we began. He turned red, perhaps charmed and slightly embarrassed that an Englishman should address him in his own language more politely than a Frenchman might have.
"Ou ce trouve ... ?" we began, proposing to ask the whereabouts of the boundary beyond which caravans could not go.
The cars, which now formed eight substantial queues, began to hoot rudely and the policeman went redder still. He pulled out his gun and pointed it at us - "Go away!" he exclaimed in English.
It is bad manners to change language midway through a conversation, and I was just trying to find the right words to point this out when my driver lost his nerve, put his foot down and we swept on round the roundabout, side-swiping a small bollard and grinding it into dust. That showed what we thought of French manners.
Normally, the French use a different technique to undermine English linguistic skills. They deliberately speak a little faster than an Englishman can understand ... perhaps their cars do the same, and perhaps German, Chinese and Japanese ones do too.
Does that mean all those languages have to be learnt in an artificially accelerated form? My goodness, even the great Lord Todd didn't have to do that.
-John Watson is the editor of the UK weekly online magazine The Shaw Sheet - www.shawsheet.com - where he writes as 'Chin Chin'
