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Home / Whanganui Chronicle

Inner strength essential to life

By Carla Langmead
Wanganui Midweek·
6 Feb, 2018 10:51 PM4 mins to read

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Wow — what a roller coaster ride it's been and we are only just four weeks into the new year!
I reckon that super blue moon eclipse was the culprit!
Whoever said that life should be easy needs to go into therapy!
Really hurtful things can and do happen, that's more the truth
of it.
We never know what's in store for us completely, and the sooner we get to accept that but not fall victim to it, the sooner we can live a more peaceful life.
The reality is that we will experience feeling vulnerable and hurt at various stages of our lives and for all sorts of reasons. That is part of our human experience.

Grieving for the loss of a loved one or the loss of our dreams or ideals is a fact of life sadly, and we can never escape it. Grief is a sharp reminder of how vulnerable we actually are.

To deny what we feel, no matter how raw, means that we deny a part of our self, and denying our self will always leave an empty hole.
I have found the best way forward is through those unbearable feelings, and not to avoid them. This means facing those really uncomfortable feelings that exist, that some how we have to find a way to accept without falling victim too. Our attachment levels to our feelings need to be audited.
If I try and deny or dodge some of my feelings, ultimately they persist, and that we resist will always persist!

The old Cherokee saying that was quoted in my column in the Midweek at the beginning of the month explains this much more eloquently than I.
Some people will never seek inside themselves but rather continue to seek outside. We can go 'within' or we can go 'without'.
Going 'without' speaks for itself because we will never really find what we are looking for unless we are always seeking perfection, which of course does not exist.
Too many of us try and fill up our innermost voids with constant distractions, like another person, or drugs and alcohol or accumulating material things.

While there is a certain number of 'distractions' that I personally put in place to relieve my pain, I never forget that ultimately I need to go 'in' to truly transform and heal.
A good friend reminded me that these hurts are my 'koha', my offerings to myself, so that I might grow and develop into more of who I am and maybe meant to be. I'm starting to look forward to finding out. It can be euphoric and amazing to experience what happens when we let go of the things we need to. Doors will open that we wouldn't have ever thought possible. I believe that the way to our strength is through our own weaknesses and hurts — it's a paradox.

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Avoidance, and using logic and positive thinking will only ever get us so far. Its through our hearts and our feelings combined with our god-given ability to process them through our 'thinking' where freedom lies.

As the Dalai Lama, Socrates and other philosophers have said for thousands of years, the only way to change our external world is to go inwards, or more recently Eckhart Tolle: "We need to say yes to suffering so that we may transcend it."

Bliss, joy, connection, freedom, peace, will never be achieved through material possessions, activities or other people, or in other words outer conditions. It will only ever be through our connection to our true self and there's ways to start that path which I feel very privileged to be able to pass on to those who are ready to take that first step.

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