"From Wanganui, eh? So which gang do you belong to?"
"Your river runs upside-down."
"I suppose that Stewart Murray Wilson will be standing for mayor now?"
"Are you all dropping dead from the smell? 'Ponganui' - ha ha ha."
It goes on. Mostly we are just shooting ourselves in the feet - the "own goals" from hell.
All of these things detract from our image - each one alone makes our place just a little bit less attractive to move to or to visit. Yet we are the best kept secret in this country. We have the best community spirit of any city I have lived in, and we are certainly the prettiest.
An example: I sometimes forget to put out our wheelie bin on Thursday mornings. I wake up to the fact when the big red-and-yellow truck trundles past.
Knowing that they have to return past our house, I leave the bin on the other side of the road, where there are no other houses. Not only do these wonderful blokes stop and empty it for me, but they leave it back on our side of the road.
Try that in Wellington. They will look you in the eye as they drive right on by - "More than my job's worth, mate."
Wonderful community, but it is not reflected in our economy.
Our city is beautiful. We have a cheerful, safe nightlife and good coffee (if you know where to look). It's a great place to bring up your kids. Houses are cheap, and you can get to anywhere in five minutes. I rarely see a gang member, and never in a threatening situation.
I believe that if we fix our image, all of our other problems will fall into line. We will attract more tourism and industry, keep our good staff here, attract others, and jobs will be created.
Repairing our image doesn't have to cost a lot, or even anything, it just needs intelligence, new ideas and energy - lots and lots of energy.
Be careful who you vote for.