I can be hammering a nail into something in the back yard and the nail bends over. Do I curse and scream? Nope. I give it the finger and then go back to work.
Sometimes, when things really upset me, I give the finger with both hands and sort of wave them around with a bit of a dance.
I'll give the one-fingered salute to a newspaper article, or a TV screen - or even to the dog (he just thinks I'm playing) and so on and so forth. Nothing is exempt.
And I think I know why I am doing this ...
It's because of kids. Yes, kids. They are everywhere in my household with their good hearing and sensitive, impressionable little minds.
Telling something to "effing go get effed you fat effer" at the top of my lungs after I've bashed my finger is now a no-no when in the next room someone is playing with Lego.
Once, when I was younger and thinner and had fewer bills and kids - and more hair - I would have happily sworn away to my heart's content at things that got me mad. It worked as an efficient release of frustration and allowed me to get whatever it was that made me mad out of the way so I could re-concentrate on the task at hand.
Now, though, I give these things the finger.
To put it simply - kids can't hear the finger. It also has the extra bonuses of not costing a cent, being untraceable on the internet and creating no air pollution.
So, if you see a man looking like a lunatic and jumping up down using both hands to give the finger to a lump of wood or a car wheel, etc, just remember it's a dad trying to remain productive while doing his best to protect his children's fragile minds in a clean, green and ecological way.
