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Home / Whanganui Chronicle

Frank Greenall: World champ many haven't heard of

By Frank Greenall
Whanganui Chronicle·
17 Dec, 2016 04:55 AM4 mins to read

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UNKNOWN: World-famous in NZ, but half of boxing hasn't heard of Kiwi Joseph Parker and WBO heavyweight crown.

UNKNOWN: World-famous in NZ, but half of boxing hasn't heard of Kiwi Joseph Parker and WBO heavyweight crown.

LAST weekend Joseph Parker triumphantly hoisted the WBO heavyweight belt above his head - the new World Champion, he said.

The only trouble is, half the boxing world hasn't heard of him.

In the dozen or so UK and Australian papers I checked, about half had no mention of the fight whatsoever.

The Sydney Morning Herald had only a one line passing reference to the WBO title fight in their main boxing story, which was about an Aussie battler who had scored a seemingly more momentous win in - get this - one of the night's curtain-raisers.

Now Joe's a bonny boy. But world champion?

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I don't think so - unless there's a World B. The Anthony Joshuas and Wladimir Klitschkos inhabit World A, but it's become a devalued currency.

Take the recent sensational Black Caps triumph.

In the last session of the last day in the last test against Pakistan, the Kiwi bowlers took nine wickets to skittle the Pakistani batsmen.

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Not only winning the game, but the test series too. A clean sweep. A whitewash! The first series win against Pakistan for 31 long years.

But hang on. This so-called series consisted of only two games. Are just two games enough to be a series?

Not long ago, these would have merely been opening salvos for a proper series of five.
Next, we'll be asked to accept test series of one match only.

The winning side will automatically score a whitewash. If it's a draw, I suppose the commentators will call it a greywash.

Yes, a pernicious trend to devaluation right across the board.

Chocolate. Each successive bar seems to be just that little bit lighter, shorter and thinner.

Before too long, the "king-size" bar will be the size and thickness of a playing card.
Consumers won't know by its outside appearances, though, because the ratio of packaging to product will have expanded to try to fool us that it's business as usual.
Same for biscuits. They keep getting smaller and thinner while the packaging gets broader, longer and bulkier.

The manufacturers tell you that it's all about "protecting the product".

Methinks more about protecting - if not increasing - the profit margin.

And how many times have you risked life and limb to penetrate razor-edged shrink-wrap and outer pack to discover one third of the contents is fresh air.

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Parkinson's Law states that work expands to fill whatever time is available to do it.

Packagers' Law states that exterior packaging expands in inverse proportion to what's actually being packaged in the fallacious belief that, if done only incrementally, consumers won't notice what dropkicks the packagers are being.

The so-called TV news. Bigger devaluation than when decimal currency was introduced and a shilling was suddenly only worth 10 cents.

Why, not so long ago a shilling could get you into the local bughouse for the Saturday matinee with enough left over for the ice-cream. Try doing that for 10 cents today. Come to think of it, anyone seen any actual 10 cent pieces around lately? Perhaps devalued to extinction already!

But back to the TV news. Mass devaluation of both word and mouthpieces. Where it only used to take a single person to announce the latest disasters and test series wins, now there's standing-room only in the studio.

On TV1, during the ad break where the Seven Shite people get to promo their upcoming slot, the studio looks like the inside of a school playground shelter shed during morning break on a wet day - newsreaders, weathercaster, sportscaster, and what's-their-faces all crammed in cheek by jowl.

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No wonder flat screens keep getting wider - it's to fit in all the hangers-on.

Meanwhile, on TV3's news, the challenge is to pick out the actual news from the ads, film promos, and war, disaster and celebrity clips as they strategically morph into one another.

The resulting hodgepodge has the authenticity of a Real Housewives of Benneydale, the unreality of a Trump comb-over. It may be a mad, mad, mad world, but once upon a time you at least knew which world it was.

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