Develop your sense of gratitude

Kristen Hamling with sons Toby and Joshua at the Castlecliff beach clean-up. Photo/Supplied

I didn't know I'd find happiness in collecting rubbish.

My hubby asked if I wanted to collect rubbish at Castlecliff Beach on Sunday afternoon.

With all honesty, my first response was "Why can't we do something more fun?"

But we ended up going, and I was reminded that positive emotions don't necessarily come from the direct pursuit of happiness.

During the rubbish collection, my son and I were talking about how good we felt about saving birds, by collecting the rubbish that they were eating on the beach. He was quite proud of himself.

I was grateful to the people who organised the event.

This brings me to this week's topic - gratefulness. I find it amazing that by showing gratitude to others you get to experience significant gains in your own happiness.

Even in tough times, gratitude is possible. A study showed that spouses providing hospice care for their terminally ill partners could still find things to be grateful for (eg grateful for support from family and friends, meals being delivered, a laugh with a friend). Indeed, those who found things to be grateful for coped better with their caring role and subsequent grief.

To get a deeper understanding of gratitude, beyond just "thanks", consider completing the Gratitude Visit.

For this exercise you are to think of someone who has done something that has made a positive impact on your life.

Write them a letter or visit them in person to tell them how much you appreciate what they have done for you. Tell them how it has affected you, or how much their actions have meant to you.

It may be someone you know well or someone known only informally. I promise if you do this authentically you will get a strong surge of positive emotions.

The Gratitude Journal is another way to develop your sense of gratitude. Think of specific things that you have to be grateful for and jot several of them down each week. Don't just reel them off; try to connect with why you are grateful for these things and what it would mean if you didn't have these experiences or people in your life.

Don't be persuaded by other's ideas as to what you should be grateful for. It must be authentic and felt by you. Case in point: A dear old lady was telling me how quickly children grow and to "be grateful for the time spent with your children at this age, as it goes by so fast". Meanwhile 3-year-old Toby is screaming in my ear, "I want to be Batman today" and "I don't want to wear two shoes today, I only want to wear one shoe, WAAAA". In this moment I absolutely had gratitude. Gratitude that it was a kindy day.

Gratitude is a good way to remind yourself not to take things for granted. We often don't realise how much something means until it is gone.
A registered psychologist , Wanganui mother-of-two Kristen Hamling is studying for a PhD in positive psychology at AUT.