Rule 2. Most lists are data fluff gathered from flimsy reader surveys. Smartphones and social media give accurate measures of opinion but only from those with access to this technology, and there is a strong suspicion that such lists are largely compiled in the pub.
Rule 3. The task of listing the 10 things that are hip or passe at any given time is done in a similar way to Rule 2 - as accurate as reading tea leaves, except that it usually also involves alcohol.
Rule 4. Does knowing Keith Richards is ranked one of the best-dressed men mean anything? Does one listing of a Kardashian herald a shift in universal thought?
Rule 5. Listing the 10 most irritating habits of spouses is really irritating. This is often followed by the 10 ways to keep your marriage alive.
Rule 6. The world is full of talented people. If you do not speak English and are not from the United States or Britain you do not count.
Rule 7. A 10 best list of anything will probably not include any women - who will then get uppity, make their own list and be attacked in social media for doing so.
Rule 8. Who gets counted? The recently divorcing wife of a gazillionaire has entered a top 10 rich list. While married, only he and his wealth were counted. Now they have financially settled she is suddenly on the list. Perhaps those who make these lists previously mistook her for an accessory?
Rule 9. Predictive lists of the 10 people to watch for in future can make or break a career. The highly inflatable raft of hype can very quickly go flat and sink. Being on the British music industry's Mercury Prize shortlist is considered by some to be a sure way to derail a career. In 2001 Damon Albarn asked that the Gorillaz album be taken off the shortlist because, to quote him: "It would be like carrying a dead albatross around your neck for eternity".
Rule 10. Making lists of the things that define where you fit on the cultural grid is pointless. The overlapping margins between hipster, nerd, geek and the eccentric is where you find all those who are concerned that they might be clinging to the wrong trend, fearing they might get swept away on a wave of recycled sentiment.
Footnote: Next week I will be in Germany doing a round of gigs and sending regular reports on audiences, castles and beer.
Terry Sarten is a musician, writer and social worker - feedback: tgs@inspire.net.nz or www.telsarten.com
