Gnarly horns and all, we Kiwis seem to be losing an increasing amount of control in our own lives.
The real question though is whether we are relinquishing this control too easily. Do we dare use our fabulous head ornaments to fight back or has the state gradually and systematically blunted them to the point where we no longer even bother to argue the point?
Like our horns, the arguments have become too curly.
I was appalled, last week, when I read the story of a mother, whose child's lunchbox was sent home from daycare with a note saying that it contained an item of contraband. The item was deemed as not healthy, in what looked to me, like a perfectly balanced days food offering, by a bunch of clearly misguided and uneducated educators.
A small piece of chocolate slice had somehow infiltrated its way into the receptacle. And not even covertly.
I'm surprised it wasn't deemed necessary to place the daycare on lock down, evacuate an entire city block and deploy staff in hazard suits to gingerly remove the threat with the help of a robotic device and safely explode it, off site, before taking a decontamination shower, prior to issuing the "all clear" and removing the crime scene tape.
How dumb was that mum?
How dare she give her child a small, fresh, home baked, sweet treat as opposed to pre-packaged chocolate coated muesli bar, crammed full of preservatives, MSG's, artificial colourings and additives that contains just as many calories, if not more, than her lovingly made, more natural slice. You wicked woman. Off with her head!
No doubt CYFS will be paying her a visit soon and threatening to remove the child from the home. I write that tongue in cheek but secretly wonder how close to the truth I may be. Give it a year or two.
It's like the ignorant who think that real fruit juice must somehow contain less sugar than fizzy. There's no actual research done, no dietary comparison, Just assumption. Muesli bar sounds healthy, chocolate slice doesn't. God forbid, these are people we entrust our kid's education to.
Or the power crazed councils who think they have the right to tell us what colour we can paint our fences or the houses we own and pay hefty rates for.
Soon we will need permission to get permission.
What's next? Meters in our cars that detect if we break wind while driving and fine us accordingly... double if we happen to be carrying passengers and the windows are closed.
Calorie counters on cafe and restaurant purchases? Letterbox bylaws? Trolley tariffs for insufficient protein and veg?
As an old fashioned goat, a parent, and a staunch advocate of caramel cheesecake, I'm giving myself permission to rear up, use my horns and buck off this oppressive trend. #buckoff
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*Kate Stewart is a politically incorrect columnist of no repute.
