Ability to bounce back vital

Lynette Archer Photo/File

On Tuesday Liza and I attended a workshop hosted by Supporting Families Wanganui with Tricia Hendry from Skylight on "Supporting families/whanau effectively through difficult change and loss".

As we listened to Tricia we recognised that grief, trauma, loss and change are a normal part of life for most of us in differing degrees and complexities, and for each of us how we cope and survive is unique and personal to us.

As parents, when we are faced with a difficult time it's important to understand what it is that helps us through.

That special something is called resilience - the ability to bounce back. Here are tips from Barnardos to help understand the importance of resilience in children that will help them through those tough times.

Some people seem to be able to cope better than others when faced with a setback or other adversity. We all know someone who amazes us with his ability to survive illness, family tragedy or other crisis and come out of the situation a better, stronger person. Then there is the person who stays calm, takes charge, helps others cope, while those all around panic or go to pieces. It is not an either/or matter though. We all have it to some extent. As parents, however, we want our children to be as resilient as possible and there are things we can do to encourage it.

Children are not just born with resilience and it does not happen by magic either. Instead, international research has shown that it is a blend of three factors that occur in childhood.

First, there is the home environment the child grows up in. It needs to be one that provides unconditional love, is well organised, provides a clear sense of right and wrong, and is consistent.

Second, there are the inner strengths and qualities of a child's temperament. Given a secure, consistent and loving home life, these will develop to the full extent of each individual personality.

Third, resilient children have developed and well-trained interpersonal skills. They know how to get along with others, find people they can trust and can communicate effectively.

Inevitably, as they grow up, your children will encounter some adversities or setbacks in the home and out in the wider community. The range of possibilities is mind boggling.

Strategies with Kids/Information for Parents (Skip) research shows that children need six things to grow up to be happy, capable and resilient adults:

-Love and warmth.

-Talking and listening.

-Guidance and understanding.

-Limits and boundaries.

-Consistency and consequences.

-A structured and secure world.

If you would like a copy of Supporting Children after an Earthquake and other Trauma email skipwanganui@xtra.co.nz or phone/text Liza and Lynette 027 626 1404, or www.skip.org.nz