10 ways to support your teens

TEENAGERS ... they push and push and it goes on and on. But it's our job to keep them safe and look after their future.

We hear a lot of what not to do as parents of teenagers and it's sometimes hard to see the wood for the trees when there is so much out there that is different from what we had available to us at their age.

What we do know is that, like any stage of parenting, taking time and prioritising relationships with our teenagers has a big impact on how they see themselves and their place in the world.

Here are 10 things you can do to support your teenager through the rocky years.

1.Make time to be with them. Talk to them about what they are doing and thinking. Have fun with them, tell them jokes, laugh at the TV together.

2.Do things together, like going away for weekends, going to events, building, sewing, shopping, walking, playing cards, watching sport, learning waiata.

3.Let them make their own choices so they can learn to make decisions. Talk options through with them. If they make mistakes, talk through with what else they could have done.

4.Your decisions - there will be times when you do make decisions for them, because it's your job to keep them safe and help them grow into adults.

5.Respect their feelings - even when it's hard, respect their feelings. Teenagers often feel very strongly about things. Listen to them, talk about what they are thinking, give them the space to work things out for themselves. Often teenagers get angry with you because they feel safe enough to express those feelings.

6.Unconditional love - keep loving them, even when it's really hard. If they feel unloved, they won't develop the confidence and self-esteem they need to cope with life. Tell them often that you love them.

7.Hold your ground - stick to your decisions but be flexible when it matters. For instance, they might usually have to do jobs around the house every night. But if they are under pressure and stressed about their homework, you could compromise.

8.Consistent parenting - make sure both parents work together. Rules must be consistent, even if you are not living together.

9.They are not you - think about whether anxieties from your own teenage years are influencing the way you are acting towards your child.

10.Celebrate their culture - involve your whanau in your teen's life. Tell them stories, talk about where you are from, observe rituals, look at photos, sing songs and waiata, and involve older people and family members.

-These 10 things come from a resource called Parenting Teens, available through SKIP (Strategies with Kids, Information for Parents). If you would like a copy of the six Parenting Teens pamphlets or any other free SKIP parenting resources, contact Liza and Lynette at skipwanganui@xtra.co.nz or ph/text 027 626 1404.