Television: Strange case of story that was fizzer

TV's David Lomas wound up with a damp squib.

Probabley not every episode of Family Secret (Wednesday, 7.30pm, TV3) has such tenuous investigative links as this week's show about a New Zealand family certain they were related to the great Scottish writer Robert Louis Stevenson.

The family myth was that a young Samoan servant girl, the great-great granny of their clan, had produced an illegitimate child by Stevenson, making them part of the celebrated writer's heritage.

So investigative reporter David Lomas is hot on the trail talking to various members of the Robles family in Palmerston North and Whangamata and checking birth records in Samoa.

Robert Louis Balfour Stevenson (November 13, 1850-December 3, 1894) is most famous for the works Treasure Island, Kidnapped, and Strange Case of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde.

In June 1888, Stevenson and his wife Fanny sailed from the United States to the South Pacific where they lived in Apia, Samoa. There, he built a mansion and had a swag of local servants who were mostly barebreasted, beautiful young women, Lomas tells us.

To get to the nitty gritty of the New Zealand family's claim, which also included comments about how similar they all looked compared to old pictures of Stevenson - same nose, noble brow etc - Lomas even tracks down the only living family members (cousins) of the great man living in Britain.

He flies to Britain, to request DNA tests, and the cousins are keen, saying it would be "rather fun" if they found Kiwi rellies.

From New Zealand to Samoa, Britain and back - the result was a no-go, no-match result.

Turned out Stevenson's mind was solely on his writing.

A lot of racing around to end up with a total damp squib ... I would have shelved that story.

Prison Families (Wednesday, 8.05pm, TV3) was pretty much a bland slice of how families cope when one or both parents are locked up.

This week a young father who had reoffended on parole was shoved straight back in the slammer, with no questions asked.

His partner, an attractive 25-year-old and daughter of two prison guards, admitted that she had been no better than she ought to be from the age of 16, was into drugs - from pills to needles - and gang involvement. But no more, she insisted.

There she was with a little boy and a new baby and her old man was taken away without ceremony in the early hours of one morning.

She was facing sentencing that same week for not completing a community sentence and was terrified she, too, would get jail.

Sadly this was usual Kiwi - they're offenders, they're never going to change, pointless expecting them to. They'll always be drongos, whether they love their kids or not.

There was even a frame of absolutely gratuitous filming when they recorded the 5-year-old boy in his Spider-Man suit saying how the cops pointed guns at his dog - and, yeah, it was a pit bull.

Depressing, but great for the viewers who enjoy a "tsk ... tsk" smug moment before they whip out and put the jug on for a nice cup of tea.