Television: Perfect night of TV if you're a rest home resident

Lin Ferguson

I do wonder about Television One ... again! Maybe they actually are a branch of Age Concern, with their programming constantly set for rest home residents, the aged, the physically infirm and the bewildered.

Apart from the weeknight episodes of Shortland Street written, directed and acted by Kiwis, there sure ain't much else in original Kiwi fare, or any other fare for that matter.

Saturday night, for example, from 7pm was NZ Story, Showtime and new Brit show Paul O'Grady For the Love of Dogs.

Yes, I was a fairly tragic viewer watching Saturday evening telly but, to be honest, I was keen to see New Zealand doco Showtime, cancelled months ago and now back on screen.

We watched auditions at an amateur Howick theatre where a bunch of divas emoted and flung their arms about. Actually, I am not sure who was the biggest diva, them or the director. He was also very keen on being vocal and showing passion.

We also saw a very small amateur theatrical group in Northland setting up to go "on the road" to the next town with their production of one-act plays to raise funds for their ailing society.

If I had been the camera-person on that shoot, I would have shrunk with embarrassment.

I like theatre.

But no kidding, this was silly stuff apart from a couple of moody night-time shots of a country hall lit up in the middle of nowhere, and ladies behind a trestle offering tea and coffee for the big out-of-town performance.

It was dismaying from the opening shots to the finale; wasted air time unless you were a relative and maybe excited to see one of your cousins on the box.

I still can't fathom why NZ Story had a piece about a New Zealand scriptwriter living in Los Angeles. He has lived there for years and is not particularly well known or famous yet. Except he went to school in Auckland with Russell Crowe and they are still good mates.

And of course, Crowe is sort of Kiwi isn't he, so it all makes sense to make an entire programme on one of his mates, I suppose. Even if you have never heard of them and probably never will.

Then was new Brit programme Paul O'Grady For the Love of Dogs . Well, who is Paul O'Grady?

All I can tell you is he's a benign sort of chap from the north of England. We're told he is a comedian who loves dogs.

So O'Grady in his best brown coat goes off to spend the day at the Battersea Dogs' Home, insisting the staff don't let him sneak out with an orphaned dog because he has got three adored canines at home already. Great. We wandered through the facility with him and saw lovely doggies all needing homes. End.

Nothing to it and nothing relevant to us at all. Even the entertainment value was minimal and I'm a sucker for our canine friends. I love our SPCA programmes. So when we could really be making some right fine-written Kiwi telly, we just carry on as per with sport and cooking programmes and the odd talent show.