Hard yards after teen pregnancy

Teen mum Atiria Paranihi was hailed as a leader and an inspiring student destined for a secure future. At 18 she became pregnant but wasn't deterred and never lost sight of her education dream. Today she is 28 and married with three children. A week ago she graduated from Massey University in Palmerston North with a degree in Early Childhood Education. This was her dream realised. Education Reporter LIN FERGUSON talked to Atiria, who now lives in Australia with her husband and children.

Atiria Paranihi is statuesque with keen hazel eyes, soft curvy lips and a laugh that ripples with fun. She is a mum with three children and a much loved husband, Daniel.

Atiria describes herself as a child of the Awa ... the Whanganui Awa.

The family now lives in Perth - "but it's not forever", for she yearns for home, the bush, the hills, the river, and her loved people near Pipiriki.

"This is the most beautiful place. Australia will never come close."

As a small girl, she felt she could conquer anything, a strength she attributes to her Maori heritage. Hers was an upbringing born of a loving, warm whanau, a special freedom beside the river, the wide fields and the deep, green ngahere (forest), she said.

She remembers skipping from house to house like they were her own.

"Everywhere was your backyard, life was about heaps of sheep shit, gumboots, parties, church with Sister Dorothea every Wednesday at the Paraweka Marae, eating piharau (lamprey - small fish), lambtails and buying pie and chips from makeshift dairies."

At 18 she became pregnant to then boyfriend Daniel, who was only 16.

Her family had moved into the city a few years before, but Atiria never quite to got to grips with living in town.

"At least we came home to the river for visits. Sometimes it was like we'd never left."

She was excelling at Te Kura O Kokohuia in Castlecliff, where she was a leader, a fine student and sportswoman, and a lovely young woman with a fab boyfriend.

"No one really told us about sex - well, it wasn't a subject the older people liked to talk about. I knew if you had sex you could have a baby. But I had this idea that you would only get a baby from sex if you wanted one. I thought each time you had sex you had a sort of on/off button which you could decide whether you would get a baby or not."

Atiria's eyes glisten with mirth as her laugh rings out.

"I just can't believe I really actually thought that."

Her plan to head for Massey University and study for a teaching degree took a dive, she said.

"But there was no way I was giving up. I knew I would still study for my degree, no matter how long it took me."

Former principal Josephine Mikaere (now principal of Ruapehu College) said young Atiria was always at the forefront of her class.

"She was powerful, self-motivated and very committed right from a young age"

Atiria was the epitome of a beautiful and clever young Maori woman.

"She had it all. She was a leader and helped everyone."

Mrs Mikaere believes the drive and inspiration instilled in so many of her young Maori students came directly from being bilingual.

"It's special, it really is. Being bilingual brings immense pride. I see it all the time."

Atiria believed her years in kohango reo, a small country school then Kokohuia had prepared her for life.

"Especially while we were trudging through the hardships, the trials and the triumphs of being teenage parents. And it can be done," she said.

"I want other young Maori mums to know that they must never give up. There's always someone who can advise, help and guide you."

Though it eventually took her eight years to gain her degree along a path fraught with many hardships and sadnesses, she said she couldn't have done without the support of her Daniel.

"I mean we had times where we fell apart but it was never for long ... we always needed and loved each other."

She remembers when she became pregnant she was immediately labelled as an at-risk teen.

"But I wasn't, I was the opposite and it hurt me to see the disappointment in some people's eyes when they knew I was pregnant. But, really, the hardest disappointment was my own, which sometimes blinded me to the support circle that was surrounding me."

Atiria said she realised that life was not a race and that she could and would succeed in her own right.

"My life was not a chance for people to relive their own but a chance for them to see hope, determination and a strong Maori woman who fought against the odds."

One of the hardest things was Daniel ditching his chance to pursue an opportunity to go to the Junior Olympics because the birth of that first baby boy was happening at the same time.

"He chose to stay because he said the birth of his son, Kotahi, was way more important."

For Atiria the list of people who were there for her is endless.

"People will be, if you let them."

Her special list includes whanau and friends and the lecturers who supported her.

To other teen parents, parenting in general, no matter the age, is not easy but it can be rewarding. When all feels lost, focus on yourself first and then your baby.

"Never give up hope. There are support networks out there.

"Last year, moving to Perth was not a light decision, and we toiled and debated over it for many years.

"But things were stagnant for us. We were stuck in a cycle, and we were ready for something different. It was, and still is, hard for me to draw myself away from my marae, whenua and whanau. However, the opportunity to provide my children with a different perspective to life, was and is exhilarating.

"I hope it teaches them that, although teenage pregnancy is a reality, the world has so much to offer and the opportunity to explore the world and who they are prior to having children is great."

Life in Australia was a good life, but it didn't come on a silver platter, she said.

"We have been here a little under a year now and both acquired good paying jobs, our own place, the boys are in school, representing the state in sports, and my daughter attends the day care where I teach.

"Being teenage parents whilst studying and working was not always easy, but when I finally, successfully completed my degree it didn't just feel like I graduated, it felt like Daniel and I graduated together."

"Daniel and I are determined to make Australia work for us and our family. It has been hard to leave NZ and all its beauty, but we have made some lifelong friends, explored some of Perth and Australia along with returning back to New Zealand to attend my graduation, all within a year. I understand that the big move across the ditch is not for everyone, but it's worked for us.

"We plan to make our dreams and goals become a reality."

LEARNING HELP

In Wanganui a programme for teen parents has been running since 2000 by the YMCA.

Spokesperson Robin Williamson said the original design of the programme was to run a teen unit from a secondary school.

``However, when the school said `no', the YMCA ran the programme with no funding for the first six months. The programme has continued since then with great success and positive outcomes for parents and children alike.''

Ms Williamson said that to date the programme had consistently achieved between 80-100 per cent positive  outcomes for the trainees. ``Our trainees learn life skills and parenting skills as well as achieving NCEA Levels 1 and 2. Some go on to further tertiary and university education, some are successful in gaining employment as their family commitments permit.''

(The YMCA is now running Young Parents programmes in Palmerston North and Foxton, and is currently setting up another in Marton.)

Statistics show that the number of teenage mothers in New Zealand is still among the highest worldwide.