Hans came to New Zealand from the Netherlands at the age of 33. He married Margaret while living in Wellington, his family growing to include her daughter and son. The couple moved to Kerikeri in the mid-1980s to be near his brother with Margaret dying in 2004.
"He led an incredibly social life," Suzanne said.
"He was a people person, and loved being out and about. He was an active member of CAB, Age Concern, Home Support, and was both a Rotary and Probus member. People in Kerikeri knew who he was, in his little yellow car or on his mobility scooter."
He was also determined.
"He wanted, come hell or high water, to stay and die at home; he was very clear about that," she added.
And he was a planner. When he and Margaret built their house in Kerikeri they had the foresight to provide for wheelchair access, which Hans needed in later days, along with a wet-walled shower and easy mobility scooter access. Age-proofing the home at the time of building made caring for him much easier.
Suzanne said she believed it had been important for her uncle-in-law to remain at home because a man's home was his castle.
"I made a commitment to him that I would advocate and support him staying at home so long as he was safe. That was the proviso," she said.
"He was also a control freak. Being at home gives you that control. He had a beautiful garden that Margaret planted. He loved sitting at his table and looking at his garden. He also lived in a great neighbourhood where everyone looked out for and after each other. He loved living where he did. Why would he want to leave? Why should he?"
After an acute admission to hospital, it became clear that Hans could not return home by himself, however, so Suzanne employed the services of tlc4u2, meaning he had a caregiver 24 hours a day, and felt safe. He also bought or borrowed equipment, such as an electric high-low bed, a walker and shower chair, to make life easier.
For the last 14 months of his life Hans had two carers, who alternated fortnight about.
"Both of these women were experienced carers - kind and compassionate - and cared for him as if he was their own. They genuinely cared for each other," Suzanne said.
"Another benefit was that one of Hans' carers used to bring her dog Muffy along. Hans was a real dog person, and he just took that dog on as his own. Muffy used to sleep on his bed, and he absolutely loved that."
Towards the end Hans' short-term memory faded further, but there was an answer to that too.
"He forgot things and the names of people and where we all fitted, but he could remember a life-time of memories. It helped to be surrounded by photographs and familiar things," she added.
"We plastered the whole wall beside his bed with photos, because people, family and events were important to him. We labelled every photo so he knew at a glance who everyone was. We drew a small family tree up there so he knew, as he used to say, 'Who's who in the zoo'. He spent hours looking at that wall and reminiscing."
Suzanne has also supported her parents through their end of life over the last six years, her dad at Kerikeri Village Trust and her mum at Bay of Islands Hospital.
"Dad, Mum and Hans all had completely different experiences but ones which were right for them. They knew where they wanted to be and were happy to be where they were when they died. They all had exceptional palliative care, and their and their families' wishes were a part of their care," she said.
As a result of these experiences, and because of her career background, Suzanne and her husband Terence know what each other wants, and she has already broached the Conversations that Count topic with her two young adult children.
"I have my own plan in place with my husband, and we've talked about it with our children," she said.
"They're open to it, and used to talking about death and dying because, ever since a young age, their mum's been around the death and dying field. Once you have had these conversations you can file them away, and, as we say in Hospice, you can live every moment.
"I think it's an important family/whanau conversation, because, after all, failing to plan is planning to fail."
