The writer took the sensible precaution of organising help from the outside on Friday, when he invited court registrar Tania Parker to saunter down to The Warehouse next day with a file. What sort of file? she asked. A prosecution file? Stone the crows. Where do we find these people? The sort, she was told, that could be concealed in a cake. Waste of time though. She didn't turn up with or without a file, or for that matter, a cake.
Come to that, for the entire duration of the writer's incarceration he was not offered a phone call, a cup of tea, a piece of cake or even a sizzled sausage. Thankfully it didn't occur to anyone to offer the victims anything with laxative qualities; the cell was equipped with a toilet of the plastic bucket variety, but one imagines that an early release would have been on the cards for anyone who showed genuine signs of hearing the call of nature.
Hopes of organising an escape faded even further on Saturday, before the police gave the writer his free ride from the police station to The Warehouse. The offer of a bribe was rebuffed, the threat of blackmail was laughed off (silly boy, Darren) and the offer of getting Geoff Ryan on every front page in the country if he ran so someone could Taser him wasn't even seriously considered.
The closest anyone got to skipping was Zeek Raui, one of the 'Be The Change' youth group who were part of the show. He took off like a startled rabbit as he was being led towards the cell, completing a lap of the Saturday morning market with Constable Dion Masters in warmish, as opposed to hot, pursuit. The gap didn't widen much as Zeek sprinted down the back straight but the cop wasn't getting any closer either, despite Dion Hobson's urging of greater effort, to see if he would "kark it."
Meanwhile some found it easier to raise bail than others. The writer was over the line in a flash, obviously thanks to strong public sympathy and possibly the belief that the shorter his incarceration the better the chances of this week's netball draw being published today. Geoff Ryan took a little longer, but Mayor John Carter seemed to be the most challenged. An anonymous source, Dave Ratapu, said His Worship had only garnered $2.70 until Senior Constable Jones adopted the cunning ploy of inviting pledges that would be honoured if he undertook to make young people a focus of the district plan.
The promise made, he was finally released, although he didn't seem that keen to exit the cell. When he finally did, not unlike other famous figures who have been granted their freedom, he made a speech, just a short one, praising those who had organised the event and thanking those who had supported it.
All good clean fun, and a great way to top up the Blue Light coffers, but best of all a brilliant way to show the police in a deservedly favourable light. Without exception Kaitaia's men and women in blue are committed to making their community a safer place, and while that will always involve catching criminals, and there will no doubt always be occasions when their efforts in that regard will be seen by some as wanting, the current administration has one eye cast very firmly on the long-term, and the changing of attitudes to reduce the potential for crime to be committed in the first place. The obvious and best means of achieving that is by police and younger members of the community in particular establishing a strong, mutually-respectful relationship, and Saturday's antics will not have done those prospects any harm.
Hopefully there will be more to come, and, assuming that those who have already allowed themselves to be paraded in public in handcuffs and chains and hats that didn't fit (except for Geoff Ryan's, strangely enough, but he seemed to get preferential treatment from start to finish, from a hat that fitted to a lollipop after his ordeal was over; maybe those were just the advantages of having a small head and unbridled power over his minions) will not be called upon again, perhaps next time the cell will be replaced with stocks. The Northland Age will be happy to make a financial contribution via the sale of tomatoes.
Prepared for the worst
One commentator claimed last week that Opposition MPs prepare their budget speeches in advance, and it was difficult not to believe him. David Cunliffe, Russel Norman and Hone Harawira all talked off the point, Mr Harawira even suggesting that there was nothing in the budget for Maori. Really? If he couldn't find anything that would benefit Maori he wasn't listening. Presumably Maori don't take their children to the doctor, don't qualify for paid parental leave and don't collect family tax credits.
The biscuit, though, went to a pregnant Hungarian woman who was unimpressed with 18 weeks' paid parental leave, which apparently wouldn't cut it in Europe. If that's the case, why did she come here? And why does she stay?
