SO there he was, The Offsider, watching as a rotten apple nearly spoiled the bunch - a match from the 2014 Fifa World Cup in Brazil which should have been a showcase for the Beautiful Game but instead turned into the proverbial stinker as two otherwise quality sides cancelled each other out to the discredit of all involved.
The Offsider was left wondering why he had arisen at 4am to watch grown men fight poorly over a ball while outside, fat drops of rain rattled on the roof, the wind rustled the leaves and a streetlight sputtered then died as if to emphasise the total despair at hand. The game seemed to cast a malevolent pall over the entire tournament and whispers of corruption and match-fixing began emanating from corners of the room he didn't dare look towards. It must have been catching judging by the texts coming in as the match stuttered unconvincingly towards its denouement.
"Can't you see? It's all rigged in favour of Brazil. Like all things in the western world, it stinks of corruption. Suppose Brazil have to get something for the 11 billion they spent while their poor people get nothing but a kick in the teeth. Over it," noted one. "It's no secret that big-time sports placates and distracts the masses and when you look at the blatant unfairness of wealth distribution, then distraction is a must as far as the rich are concerned," the other wrote.
In an attempt to forget the debacle, The Offsider though of the quite impressive collection of Star Wars memorabilia he'd located in a Far North galaxy not all that far away and not a particularly long time ago. He eventually convinced the owner to bring it all out of storage and set it up whereupon it filled a large living room to overflowing.
Wearing a Boba Fett helmet throughout the interview, the collector said she had begun to hoard bits and bobs around the time her father took her to see the first Star Wars episode in 1977. Various pieces had been obtained on travels in England, Australia and Japan, with many other rare and novelty items sourced online by family and friends over the past two decades. Among the most beloved were a 12" Princess Leia doll with its original box (opened) and a prototype moulded plastic Chewbacca from the early 80s. The installation also included models, dolls, cuddly toys, hand-puppets, limited edition fanzines, a platoon of stormtroopers, a pair of Darth Vader slippers, assorted coffee mugs and a C-3PO soft drink cup while the showstoppers included scale models of the Millennium Falcon and an AT-AT, a complete set of bubblegum cards - "Yes, I ate a lot of that disgusting chewing gum," Fett admitted - and her pice de rsistance, a Lego Death Star which comes off the toyshop shelf at just under $1k. The Offsider's favourite, however, was a Darth Vader money box. Drop a coin down the slot in the helmet and Vader begins cranking a glowing light sabre up and down in menacing fashion while rasping, "You are not a Jedi yet!"
