Twists and turns as World Cup produces Tales of the Unexpected

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SPAIN, out.

The Argies, goneburger.

Germany, history.

Portugal, thanks for coming.

It has been Tales of the Unexpected at the World Cup and it’s far from over yet.

Who would have thought that by this stage mega-stars Messi and Ronaldo would be back home polishing their Ferraris?

Who would have thought the Germans would be making plans for Oktoberfest rather than their World Cup-winning after-party?

Who would have thought perennial chokers England would have learned to self-administer the Heimlich manoeuvre?

There’s been more twists than a season of Game of Thrones, plotlines to rival a Dan Brown novel and some acting performances that would capture Sir Peter Jackson’s attention.

Now we’re down to the quarters. To paraphrase another Roald Dahl literary creation, Willy Wonka . . . “twenty-four naughty little children gone. Eight good little children left.”

And by the time you’re chomping into your bacon and eggs Sunday morning, the Chocolate Factory tour will be down to four.

So who will they be?

The Gisborne Herald boasts several staff members with credentials to answer that question.

Sports journo John Hill played for the All Whites at the 1982 World Cup finals in Spain, and it was his long ball that led to Steve Wooddin’s goal in a pool game against Scotland — a goal Hiller regularly claims is among the greatest in Cup history.

Sub-editor John Gillies helped build an at-times impenetrable brick wall in defence for Gisborne City during their National League glory days, hoofing the ball so many times over the Roebuck Road stand that they eventually named it after him.

Chief photographer Paul Rickard was at the heart of Gisborne Thistle’s midfield for many seasons and spent so many hours in the Jags’ clubrooms, staff set up a tube straight from the Lion Red keg to his personal bar stool.

Incredibly, all three, who were consulted individually, chose the same four sides to advance to the semifinals.

France v Uruguay: France.

Brazil v Belgium: Belgium.

England v Sweden: England.

Russia v Croatia: Croatia.

Herald sports editor Chris Taewa — who once let fly from 35 metres out and into the top right corner of the net on Childers Road Reserve 1 . . . past his own goalkeeper — chose to differ.

When asked who was going to win this weekend, he replied: “The Warriors, 26-22.”

“No, who’s going to win the World Cup quarters?”

“Oh. Uruguay, Brazil, Sweden and Russia.”

“Eh? Why?”

“Their fans are hotter.”