“Because of the situation we are in, because he was the eldest of the family, because this was the only way.”
That is how Charlotte Gibson described how they came to celebrate their uncle’s tangi — the first to be held online in Tairawhiti, on Thursday.
“Edward Reid was named after his father, and that’s his only son’s name too. Uncle was 83.”
He was known as Ted. All his children lived outside Tairawhiti, his siblings were all in the 65-plus age bracket, and there were only two others in his bubble when he died.
So, over a couple of days last week, the details of how to hold Ted’s tangi online unfolded.
More than 75 whanau gathered on screen to poroporoaki (bid farewell) to Ted on Thursday.
Charlotte said the whanau were so happy to have the opportunity to see Uncle one last time and of course to tangi (a grieving process).
“Especially his children. Not only are they away from their father but they’re also away from the bigger whanau in Tairawhiti.”
“This is one way they can bid their father farewell without having to feel rushed or totally disconnected.
“A quick zoom of just the service wasn’t going to do it. Everyone needed to feel the warmth of the rest of the whanau and the aroha for each other.”
At the start of the zoom, Charlotte shared the tikanga (process) for using zoom and how the whanau would need to manage the use.
Then, the two hour Poroporoaki commenced. A formal mihimihi (greeting) by Ned Wharehinga was offered and then he led in to his Poroporoaki (farewell speech).
“The two-hour window allowed every sibling and all his children an opportunity to share korero, in a manner that is within keeping close to what we would’ve normally happened at a marae.”
Charlotte said they all shared stories, a moment, a tangi directly to him.
They sang songs that gave emphasis to those stories and memories.
His younger brother played the guitar from his home in Te Araroa and sang, “There goes my everything” by Engelbert Humperdink -- the siblings’ favourite song.
At the end of that two hours the Rev Pane Kawhia led an hour service from her home in Ruatoria.
Microphones were muted to cancel background noise, and the person speaking holds the virtual floor.
A zoom meeting can take up to 100 people. Gisborne artist Tony Scragg, who has been connecting people for decades, got the technology sorted.
“A month ago if you mentioned zoom, most people would not have known what you were talking about,” he said.
Since Alert Level 4 it had become a way of everyday life, and was now a part in death too.
Tony is confident whanau will be able to help each other to be a part of new online funerals.
Charlotte said when her Uncle (by marriage) passed away, what they were first hearing was a very different way. No gatherings, no hugs, no songs.
“We thought no. His children, his mokopuna, his siblings and close whanau at least deserve something better and especially uncle, he deserved more.
“We tried to find something under these circumstances, in these times, to help whanau feel a little bit more comfortable about letting their brother, and father, go to the other side whilst being respectful to Uncle. We will leave his lid off and the camera close to uncle’s face so that his children and mokopuna can see him, and know that he looks alright, and will be OK.
“We gave whanau a warning prior to opening the zoom session, that his coffin will be open an the camera directly on uncle. So those who may be hesitant, have an opportunity to turn away from the screen but still hear the korero.
“We are trying to keep it as normal as possible, even though it’s not.”
For example, the casket is ususally closed before the sun rises. That is the time for his immediate whanau to say their final goodbyes before manuhiri arrive.
“If we closed at sunrise, his immediate whanau would’ve been unsettled and ‘hold’ him with them. Instead, we closed his coffin just before his final church service and put his photo on top of the lid. His whanau could visually see he has gone on to the next stage.”
Absolutely it would bring comfort to whanau, said Ted’s niece Hine Moeke-Murray, both Ngati Rangi.
“The Maori like to see the person, and when the lid closes it is time to let go. This still provides the process and to tikanaga, and to be part of that process is important.”
There was also a zoom tool that allowed recording, to be shared with other whanau who could not participate on the live feed, at a later date.
“At this moment in time and under these Covid conditions, this is but one way that we could still conduct tangihanga and provide a tikanga that is pretty close to normal and everyone felt comfortable with” said Charlotte.
Evan Funeral Services David Parker along with the rest of the Evans team are all on board. They have come up with how to adapt a funeral to the Ministry of Health rules during a pandemic.
David has set up four virtual settings scenes for families to choose from. The loved one’s bubble can go into the chapel part with them, but if the person died in a rest home or a hospital then everyone would be connected by zoom, with a camera on the casket. The different scenes include the tangihanga, a Marae setting, where photos can be placed around their loved one as is common practice, and David hopes to add Maori carvings as well with direction from iwi to get it right.
For European funerals the stain glassed windows at the other end of the chapel have been made into their own scene. Other options include a room with couches and flowers.
“Makes the whanau not feel like they are not by themselves,” said David.
Cremations are 95 percent of deaths during lockdown. So instead of the harsh reality of picking up your loved on in a box, with death certificate enclosed in a white bag, this oopnes up a whole new world to grieve online with your people.
David said he wanted to make sure families were prepared that saying goodbye to a loved one under Level 4 restrictions would be different.
Level Three would bring more of the same with no mass gatherings. Any get together allowed a maximum of only 10 people, still practicing social distance.
“These are the rules, and we cannot break them. So this is trying to set up something within the rules and to show we are there to support our region.”
David and his team at Evans’ are an essential service.
Joy Baty’s friendly smile at reception is still there.
By and large families have been understanding of the situation, said funeral director Gavin Nickerson.
“Everyone accepts that it is very strange times.”
Funeral director Steve Norris said it was still an unknown day by day.
“The most difficult times are those who are dying in their rest home because they are locked down.”
David said they had seen some distraught families who could not be there at the end.
“Everyone’s concept of a funeral doesn’t exist at the moment.”
Ted’s wife Hine said even though the rest of the whanau were not allowed in her bubble, the online tangi brought everyone together.
“It was excellent. We could see each other, we were able to speak to each other, and we are so happy about that.
“We all thoroughly enjoyed the two hours, and I know Ted would have enjoyed it as well.”
“We had a good giggle, it was absolutely wonderful.”
At a time when there are no hugs allowed, and the traditional tangi cannot happen, the online version meant Ted’s children all over New Zealand could still be there, share stories about their father and see their family.
Hine’s nephew Kihirini Daymond said it was wonderful to have everyone share the moment.
“It allows families who can’t be with their loved ones to still see, and be part of this experience. Which is so important to us and gives people a way to express their feelings.”
Hine’s niece Harata Daymond said the traditional tangi at a marae usually had a lot of contact.
“We are hugging, hongi, and all the processing that goes with creating kai, and we were not allowed to do that. There was no one allowed at the house, no one allowed at the service, but we could try and replicate what would usually happen.
“At the end, one of the aunties came in and did the karanga to farewell him on his journey.
The aroha was shared, and Harata said she would recommend it to any whanau going through the death of a loved one right now.
“Thank you to Evans for all their work and making this happen for us, and supporting us to get the family together in this technical way.”
