Fast-forward to 2019, and Mrs Mackintosh had already lost more than 10 friends to suicide. Having struggled with depression herself, coupled with an eating disorder, a past suicide attempt and suicidal thoughts, she enrolled in a course in social work at Massey University, Palmerston North, to learn more about herself.
“I wanted to understand why I went through all these kinds of moments in life,” she said.
She began to feel dissatisfied with the academic focus on mental health at university, as she was more interested in the victim's viewpoint.
Mrs Mackintosh felt counselling and psychology could be intimidating with, at times, a lack of empathy.
“Many mental health professionals are taught not to reveal too much about themselves and their own experiences. This is something I couldn't relate to much and I didn't want to be such a healer,” she said.
After opting out of university in early 2019 without completing the course, she remembers a day when she felt “absolute crap”.
Taking refuge in her garden she found herself making a wreath — a hobby she did as a child.
She gave the wreath to her daughter, and her husband thought it was cool and persuaded her to make more.
“So I put my work on social media and within a week I had a business,” she said.
Mrs Mackintosh said creating wreaths or floral arrangement was a “massive element” of her trying to express herself and her mental health issues, as “it's a terrifying thing to share one's story”.
At a friend's request she made three heart-shaped wreaths, using the flowers given to a local family who had lost their son to suicide in August 2019.
“They were so appreciative of it and it made me realise that something small can bring so much joy to a family going through such a horrific time. I thought that we should do something on a greater scale. During this time, I learned their son had a very outgoing and loving personality, and that resonated with me. Hence the desire to grow awareness of mental health issues and how they can affect anyone, at any time. We have to stop stereotyping men.”
This thought was the seed for an idea which became the Hear 4U movement later that year.
Mrs Mackintosh said the founders came up with the idea of an exhibition, which raised over $53,000 for global charity Movember.
“It's something the boys could relate to and have a bit of fun with as it was about growing a moustache. But it also helped them become a bit vulnerable and share their stories.”
One of the reasons for starting a men's only movement was that, much like her male counterparts, she battled her mental health issues in silence.
“I did a lot of things that are similar to male behaviour, as I have always been a bit of a tomboy.”
With a love for hunting and fishing, she appreciated “men's things”.
“I think I was always like dad's son, I suppose. Back then, I wanted to harden up, get over myself and deal with it. And then I would drink and do other things that were unacceptable — just trying to mask up.”
She recalled her own experience three years ago, when feeling miserable after leaving university she contemplated suicide.
“I remember going to a family wedding and was completely mortified at the thought that anyone would see that I was struggling. So I tried ‘growing some balls' and turned up to the wedding by putting my best foot forward.”
Working with Hear 4U and spending time with men made her realise how much harder it was for men to speak up than it was for women, she said.
“I think women are so free in talking to their friends, peers and their mums. For instance, I could cry to my mum three times a week, but Matt would cry three times to his mum in a lifetime.”
The movement has grown and now has people from registered doctors to policemen volunteering for the cause.
Hear 4U connects people predominantly through social media, and works via a buddy system where people of the same age groups can be clubbed together to speak their hearts out.
Mrs Mackintosh said it was important to normalise talking and getting help.
“Because we talk about Covid-19, we talk about unemployment, we talk about sexual abuse, but we don't talk about suicide, and that's the saddest thing.
“In Kiwi culture, to be the man is to have your sh** together. But we want to let people know that we've all had those feelings at some point. Trusting oneself that one will overcome them, that's where Hear 4U comes in.”
Mrs Mackintosh said she was grateful to the community and sponsors who support their crazy ideas and “to those blokes who have let us help them”.
If you want to know more or to join Hear 4U, you can follow #Hear4U on Facebook or contact Krissy Mackintosh at ahear4ustory@gmail.com.
