Michael writes: "If the worst comes to the worst, perhaps John and Winston could sit down over a glass or two of 1995 sauvignon blanc and nut out a coalition deal. Or maybe it should just be used to spruce up a beef casserole?"
The Lovely Meat song
Kid (aged 5 ): Daddy, we sang the Lovely Meat song at assembly today.
Daddy: The what song, darling?
Kid: The Lovely Meat song. You know, it's one of the ones you sing for us.
Daddy: Really? How does it go?
(Kid sings vague version of tune)
(Sings song through tears of laughter)
God of nations, At thy feet, In the bonds of lovely meat ...
Library limits leave reader only half Luminated
A leisurely reader writes: "After having it booked for six months I finally got a copy of Eleanor Catton's The Luminaries and I'm enjoying it very much. However, 400-odd pages into the 832-page tome my borrowing time expired and I tried to renew it. But rules are rules and I am not able to renew it so I either return it half-read or suffer a fine of 60c a day, which might come to $10-$15 by the time I finish it. Or, I can return it, re-book it and go to the end of a waiting list 900+ long in order to read the last half."
Tesco staff take steps to avoid dangers of teens with spoons
The idea of teenage knife crime hysteria has become so embedded in British society that a 16-year-old boy at a Tesco automated checkout was flagged for an "age check" and was told he wasn't able to buy teaspoons because he was not 18. His stepmother said the decision was "daft". She admitted that she had thought he was lying about the incident at first and he had not been to the store. "Knives, forks I can understand but teaspoons? No," she said. Tesco apologised for staff not using their judgment. (Source: BBC.co.uk)
Dance like nobody's watching ... but they are
A man in Australia's Northern Territory was ejected from a nightclub for reckless dancing. Duty Superintendent Louise Jorgensen said on the police Facebook page a 20-year-old man was intoxicated and apparently incensed that he was asked to leave a nightclub for "reckless dancing". "As a result he kicked over signs and property in his path. When police caught up with him he began yelling and bashed his fist on the bonnet of the police van. Bad moves all round. Some people should not drink and dance," she said.
Virginity soap spotted in Manila. Restorative or protective?
Update: The seller of the military helmet lamps featured in Sideswipe online on Monday would like to reassure readers that although they are described as a "genuine product" and each helmet appears uniquely scratched and dinged, the helmets were surplus to army requirements and never used in battle. So, no-one died while wearing them. Mmkay?
Picture this: This is a big beach event apparently...
(Spotted on Seven Sharp by Brett)
Local: David Cunliffe tells a joke... (Via Caffeine Addict https://twitter.com/caffeine_addict)
Strange Products: To help you train your cat to use the toilet ...
Video: Drone films a volcano erupting in Vanuatu...
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