Rebecca Kamm

Poking a stick at ladies' issues, pop culture, and other cutting-edge curiosities.

Rebecca Kamm: In praise of the Unlikely Crush

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Could Rodney Hide be your potential, 'Unlikely Crush'? Photo / Rotorua Daily Post
Could Rodney Hide be your potential, 'Unlikely Crush'? Photo / Rotorua Daily Post

"There's a lid for every pot" is one of my favourite Yiddish sayings. (And take it from my grandmother, there are some pretty good ones.)

I just love the sentiment - that no matter how idiosyncratic / weird / 'unconventionally good looking' you are, there is someone out there for you. Your lid (or pot) even loves your imperfections, because they are part of you, and you fit their pot (or lid). Hooray!

The best proof of the pot/lid theory is the existence of the Unlikely Crush (or 'UC'). That is, crushes on people everyone else would think you're weird for having a crush on.

This phenomenon is also known as the Ugly Crush, or Sexy-Ugly. (Except that's a bit mean - and they're not necessarily unattractive, just maybe your friends have really boring taste and what would they know anyway, they always go for such drongoes.)

My ultimate UC is Larry David, creator of iconic TV series Seinfeld and creator (and star) of later series, Curb Your Enthusiasm. This guy is bald, inappropriate and utterly ridiculous, but - somehow - he BRINGS the sexy. In the show, anyway. Which he wrote, so chances are when I meet him in real life and we date I will be just as enamoured and then babies, etc.

Here he is, wooing Lucy Lawless:

Still, Larry David is a pretty tame UC compared to some others out there. I did a social media call out which unearthed the following:

Humans:

* John Goodman from Roseanne ("Because he oozes charm. And I'd also want him to diet, which you only think about if you really like someone and they're on the morbidly obese side. Do you think John Goodman will read this and get upset because I said he was fat?")

* Mickey Havoc. ("Sort of wouldn't do him, but would snog.")

* Simon Cowell. ("Authority.")

* Rodney Hide.

* Actor Helena Bonham Carter. ("Because she is authoritative and has good hair.")

* Filmmaker John Waters. ("Vests.")

* Talk show host Ellen DeGeneres. ("Sexy grin.")

* "What about crushes on people that look like animals? Like Sigourney Weaver, because she looks like a hornet? Wait, is a hornet an insect?"

* Actor Willem Dafoe. ("Because he is a bad-ass and he seems like he would be amazing at sex.")

* "I'll just direct you here."

* Wikileaks founder Julian Assange. ("Weirdly hot.")

* Noah Taylor. ("Thought that was normal. Turns out I'm deranged.")

* Designer Vivienne Westwood ("Old but hot.")

* British politician Boris Johnson. http://www.boris-johnson.com/ ("What can I say, there's something about those Tories.")

* David McCloud from Grand Designs. ("I think its his voice and wisdom.")

* Christian Bale as Patrick Bateman in American Psycho. (" ... and ONLY as Patrick Bateman. He can accost me in the bathroom anytime.")

* Nick Offerman, from TV show Parks and Recreation. ("I like bears, plus his deep drawl is incredibly sexy. And the fact that he is a master woodworking craftsman IRL. Good with his hands, ifyouknowaddamean.")

* Comedic character Keith Lemon. ("Such a dirty filth bag!")

Fictional things:

* "King Kong. Kind of a babe." (!!)

* Falkor, the dragon in The Never Ending Story. ("He looks like a massive magical flying dog. Obviously if he was human everyone would be in love with him.") Obviously.

* Kermit the Frog. ("Because his mouth goes all cute when miss piggy yells at him.")

* "Kim Possible is a stone cold fox. Spunky, witty, tight outfits, clever. And it's sweet how she lets the dude hang around even though she's just so much way cooler than him."

* Darth Vader ("I didn't know that was weird until I told a friend in my late teens.")

* "One of the Samurai Pizza Cats."

* "The beast, in Beauty and the Beast."

* Batman. "The cartoon version".

* And my favourite of all, from a grown up man: "Massively had a Care Bears crush 'till I was old enough to know better. They're just so brave and loving."

Takeaway ponderance: in an age where bored scientists use tiny face-rulers to measure and define our sex appeal, UCs give weight to the far more romantic notion that 'attraction' is actually quite indefinable, and transcends the physical. That the visceral, stomach-churning allure (ugh, sorry) that keeps humans around goes way beyond 'ideal' features and and hip-to-waist ratios.

All in all, great news for pots and lids.

You can follow Rebecca on Twitter

Who's your Unlikely Crush/Ugly-Sexy Crush/Ugly Crush? What do you think makes someone attractive?

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