Beyond the microphone

Who said what? Leighton Smith, Alan Partridge or Ron Burgundy? Can you pick which master of the mic came up with each of these meditations?

  • “I was a boy of course and the world was just a kaleidoscope of butterscotch candies and rum cookies. I didn't understand the reason for news until that day."
  • "Two would be the number of petitions I've signed in my life. Two is a random number because I don't recall what they were on; or if in fact I even signed them."
  • "I have on the odd occasion been rejected by a woman, but never like this. She dropped me like a hot potato. You'd have thought I had just told her I had AIDS."
  • "When people ask me about my relationship with broadcasting, I give them a very simple answer. I say broadcasting doesn't define who I am, nor does it not define who I am. Nor does it define who I'm not. And that seems to satisfy them."
  • "I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany."
  • "Guide dogs for the blind. It's cruel really, isn't it? Getting a dog to lead a man round all day. Not fair on either of them."
  • "Apparently it was not amusing when, after showing scenes of flooding ... I suggested it would be a good place for a waterbed factory."
  • On owning a Lexus: "It's amazing the number of Lexii you see around (that's the plural). I always have this thing I say about Lexus: It's like the Japanese Mercedes."
  • "Women found me irresistible. They still do find me irresistible. It's worth mentioning but not so important to the narrative at this moment. I mention stuff like that not for vanity's sake but because it simply needs to be said."
  • On journalism training: "Test after test of skills. Could you turn your head sideways to other news team members when speaking? Could you manufacture a laugh after reading a lighthearted story?"
  • "The more I learn about Hitler, the more I dislike him."
  • "I confess to having an obsession with books and with owning them. My large collection keeps breeding to the point where I have run out of shelf space on numerous occasions."
  • “The Black Death was very much the HIV of its day. But rather than being transmitted through blood transfusions, sexual intercourse or heavy kissing, this plague was airborne. Let me put that in context for you. Flying AIDS.”
  • "Next morning held a journey I had been anticipating. The car that picked me up was a Mercedes 600 (short wheel base)."
  • On knowing he would go into broadcasting: "I had great hair, for one, which is 70 percent of the job. I also had the pipes. I was blessed with my father's golden tones and melodious speaking voice."
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