Sideswipe: March 18: Mixed message


Thoughts that freak people out

1. The fact my heart beats 60-100 times a minute, and has been doing so my entire life. And, I'd die if it were to stop for just a minute.

2. The idea of driving off the road into water is a very scary thing to me. I'm not afraid of the water. I'm not afraid of driving. But I'm afraid of being stuck in the car while it slowly fills with water and I can't get my seat belt off and I can't get the door open. The stupid windows are power and I can't get them open either. I've had nightmares. When I have a kid, I'm sure I'll add "not being able to get to the baby" and "not being able to get the baby out of the car seat" to my list of fears.

3. One day I will have to live in a world where my parents don't, and that's terrifying.

4. Modern society is about two weeks away from starvation at any given time.

5. Imagine if all electricity went out today, and all grocery stores closed/were looted. How long could you last?

6. We are either alone in the universe or not. Either is equally scary.

7. A handful of humans have the capacity to obliterate all life on Earth within the week.

8. Episiotomy.

9. The concept of infinity.


Advice column nails it

A letter to advice column Annie's Mailbox, as answered by the Bad Advisor (who doesn't sugar-coat her answers) ...

Q: I've left another nail salon because the technician working on me began talking to other manicurists in their language. Am I wrong to find this practice rude? If I am paying for their time, shouldn't their focus be on me and not on what I assume is idle gossip? One technician even took glances at the TV while using the sanding file on me ...

A: This isn't about the quality of the service you receive at salons. It's about the principle: people who speak languages that you don't speak don't have a right to do so until you've given them permission - like respectable, subservient overseas trainees - and they're only compounding their rudeness by letting their eyes wander away from your magnificent form ... You're not paying to get leftover Doritos scraped out from under your toenails by someone with a brain, history and identity; you're paying to have these fatuous jibber-jabberers treat you like the gift to 5 per cent tipping you are.

Readers endorse PM

Most readers said pish, posh to Tim, who pointed out the PM's wearing of a branded golf shirt was a potential conflict of interest. One said if John Key gets driven to the airport this morning and then chats on his phone before boarding his plane, does that mean he's "endorsing BMW, Apple and Air New Zealand? No. It's only endorsing it if he goes on the Apple website and says, 'when I'm running the country, only an iPhone will do'..." Another reader responded: "Actually, that depends on if he bought the clothes himself or was asked to wear them as a marketing ploy which is now paying even bigger dividends for all this free publicity."

Smell the exhaust

Update: After appearing in Sideswipe, the unsettling portrait of Michael Laws featured on the front page of Stuff...Check out how much it's going for now...

Video: Last week's viral hit showing impossibly good looking bunch of strangers kissing was crying out for some normals doing the same thing...So Vice magazine in the UK went out into the street and found 20 strangers who aren't models of any description to stick their stiff British upper lips together for £20 a pop...

Picture this: When Telly Tubbies go bad...

Video: Lorde Almighty , the musical about the life of Ella Yelich-O'Connor...

Got a Sideswipe? Send your pictures, links and anecdotes to Ana at

- NZ Herald

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