By JOHN GARDNER
What is it about lists? The naming of New Zealand's most popular songs last Monday caused debates that went on for days. The American Film Institute's sins of omission in its best 100 films, notably the absence of Buster Keaton, consumed acres of print and hours of internet time.
The absence of the Mona Lisa and Van Gogh's Sunflowers from the Folio Society's lavish Book of 100 Greatest Paintings caused a similar stir.
And all this over something that is intrinsically fatuous. We all know there is no meaning in any kind of artistic league table. But we can't deny it is still entertaining and I offer a less-competitive variation, much practised by a music-worshipping, sports-loving political journalist (yes, there is such a thing).
He used to while away the dreary hours of cliche assault at party conferences by coming up with teams of composers, artists and writers.
Being English his teams were the first and second XIs but in New Zealand there is more scope with the first 15 and the dirt-trackers. Like any sporting coach, one starts by pencilling in the essential players. My colleague always included Bach and Beethoven as the midfield pairing; hard-working, reliable but with a creative instinct. Mozart used to get the Beckham role but, as always, it's the fringe players that cause the trouble. There's the flying Polish winger Chopin, flashy but a bit lacking in stamina, and the German fullback Wagner, massive and intimidating but a touch ponderous on the turn. Does Rachmaninov get a run or is he strictly second division?
In the artists' team Michelangelo was usually handed the first jersey out of the bag in any code and would make one of the tight five, all of whom could be drawn from Italy. But it's the younger chaps that caused the problems here. Could Picasso handle the first-five spot - undeniably brilliant but apt to spray it around a bit leaving his team mates guessing? And Dali, a real crowd pleaser but very suspect in the character department.
As the party conferences went on, the variations became more baroque - the First 11 of painters born this century; the First 11 of French composers excluding Les Six. Is there a world class English First 11 in any art form other than literature? And what about a respectable New Zealand side, or are we only up for the Sevens tournament?
List mania produces artists first XV
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