If your mornings are anything like mine, they kick off with a pressure-easing trip to the cathedra.
I don't want to think about it too much and hopefully you don't have to either, as the morning's double espresso or fresh orange juice is pre-empted by the exhalatory relief of a warm, steady flow.
Spare a thought then for Mr He. Mr He is a Chinese guy who probably has a first name too, but I strongly suspect will now be identified simply as the man with 420 kidney stones. Imagine de-corning an entire cob of corn. That's what it looked like when the surgeons finally finished and put his kidney stones in a bowl. How he so much as passed an afternoon - let alone anything else - remains a medical mystery.
Doctors say Mr He got kidney stones because he ate too much tofu. Calcium built up inside him, and the next thing he knew he was fodder for news websites around the world.
His story has come as a rude shock, as someone who thought he was a healthy-homie by eating tofu several days a week. If I really craved the texture I'd eat a wetsuit, but get past Monsanto's controversial genetically modified soy production and I thought tofu was the nutritious choice.
A Google search worsens my situation: not only do some forms of tofu have crazy amounts of calcium sulfate but tofu may also be lowering my sex drive. I may start growing breasts. And although it's debated, apparently I may have been putting myself at greater risk of dementia. Brilliant.
I'm constantly alarmed that in the age of hadron colliders, the science of basic human nutrition is still so confusing. Only a few years ago fat was bad, salt was sweet and oysters were aphrodisiacs. What will we think in a decade?
I've given up worrying and given up Googling. And if I ever chance upon Mr He I'm going to buy that man a steak.
• Jack Tame is on Newstalk ZB Saturdays, 9am-midday.