Sideswipe: April 18: Touch me if you dare

Antoinette Patterson saw this sign at the recent Maadi Cup rowing regatta at Lake Karapiro.
Antoinette Patterson saw this sign at the recent Maadi Cup rowing regatta at Lake Karapiro.

What's up doc?

What's the best one-liner you have heard from your doctor? asks

1. Caroline replies: "Years ago, I went to my doctor for low libido. My husband at the time and I had sex about once a week and that's the most I could possibly do. My husband wanted a lot more and told me that his friend said he and his wife would have crazy sex several times a day. My doctor said not a word but took out his pen, ripped off a bit of the paper covering the exam table and wrote two words on it. He then handed it to me. "Men lie."

2. Jennifer replies: "I was in the waiting room ... My doctor came out of one room, finishing up with a patient who had a bunch of kids, some screaming, one wrapped around her leg and a belly indicating she was close to delivering another one. My doc called me into the next room, shut the door and said, "That's my walking advert for birth control."

3. Barbara was at her first appointment with her obstetrician. "He asked if we had been using birth control.

I answered, 'Most of the time.' In his perfectly straight doctor tone, he asked, 'Do you know what we call women who use birth control most of the time?' Confused, I answered no. 'Mothers,' he replied."

Son of Spaghetti Junction

A correspondent suggests a name for the new motorway junction at Great North Rd, Waterview, Auckland. "Given that it is all flat strips I suggest Fettuccine Junction," writes George. "And while we are at it, why not Tortiglioni Tunnel, or Tubini if that is simpler! These are usually accompanied by a thick sauce, which no doubt will be arriving soon in the form of traffic."

Parking in Auckland's Queen St is at a premium.
Parking in Auckland's Queen St is at a premium.

Nice one, Woody.
Nice one, Woody.

Video: Revenge of the tree stump...

Picture this: "I've been photoshopping my kid into marginally dangerous situations. Nothing unbelievable, but enough to make people think "Wait, did he..?"

Video: Rage Against the Machine's classic homicidal ballard, Killing In The Name, played on toy instruments...

Got a Sideswipe? Send your pictures, links and anecdotes to Ana at

- NZ Herald

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