Malapropisms (the extended mix)

1. A colleague explained she was going to the doctor to get a quarter zone injection in her elbow.

2. I used to be a detective and it was common practice to use a dictaphone for taking notes at scenes and such like. One senior detective recording his notes on the condition of the deceased during an autopsy said: "The woman has asparagus veins".

3. I heard my then-husband say, "I'll handle it like a kid with gloves."


4. I also worked with a woman who discussed building something with "tantalised wood".

5. My neighbour knew I was totally into gardening and asked about the "pest" plants on her other border. I explained that most of them were noxious weeds and under the Auckland City rules, these plants should be removed. A few weeks later she came by and told me: "I've called the council about those obnoxious plants." I congratulated her and went inside to laugh.

6. Our 5-year-old daughter used to talk about having a sense of kumara.

7. I once worked with a woman who announced she was going home to make some scrotum for her son's scout camp. I hope she meant scroggin!

8. My 9-year-old grandson told me he had made a New Year's revolution to spend less time on his devices.

9. When she was young our daughter would refer to the President of Cuba as "Fidel Casserole".

Spotted somewhere in the East Cape.
Spotted somewhere in the East Cape.