Married at First Sight couple talks babies

By James Weir

Erin would rather wear Hush Puppies than answer Enid's baby questions.
Erin would rather wear Hush Puppies than answer Enid's baby questions.

One of the partners on Married At First Sight has come up against her toughest hurdle yet: being interrogated about her reproductive plans by the mother-in-law she barely knows in the middle of a shoe store.

This is next level stuff and it's a treat.

Tuesday night's episode picks up where it left off after Clare and Jono's breakup and we see the final bits of footage of them before they're edited out of this experiment entirely.

Clare lies in bed. And Jono stretches in a nude-coloured towel.

Who has nude-coloured towels?
Who has nude-coloured towels?

As the other couples make their short trip back to Sydney, Mark and Christie begin the seven-hour commute back to the farm.

Mark's having an amazing time, but as each white dash on the road flashes by, Christie compiles a mental list of everything she hates about her current situation.

They get back to the farm, and she's annoyed they've wasted a day commuting.

"Look at us now," she says. "Do we look like we're enjoying each other's company? We're not really.

"Look at us. We're ratty. I'm f*cking fuming."

The room they're in is really echoey, so I'm not entirely sure she said "ratty" but given her oily pulled back hair and oversized hoodie it just makes sense.

Rats.
Rats.

Things couldn't be more different at Simone and Xavier's. At their pad, he's helping her eat a burrito.

The dream: a man who shovels burritos into my mouth.
The dream: a man who shovels burritos into my mouth.

Now because both of them are good looking, it seems like a missed opportunity to not get a screenshot of Xavier hooking into a dirty burrito.

Catching a hot person jamming a burrito into their food hole is a self-esteem booster.
Catching a hot person jamming a burrito into their food hole is a self-esteem booster.


But, as Jane Austen once wrote, relationships aren't all about midweek burritos, and an argument quickly boils up.

Simone's annoyed again that, during the week, they both just come home from work, cook dinner, sit on the couch, talk, then go to bed. Even though this is the standard routine for all couples around the world, Simone wants a little more razzmatazz in her life.

Like most arguments, they don't address the issue at hand - the issue being Xavier's ridiculous new haircut - and they go around in circles.

Simone wants to spend the whole weekend together, Xavier says he has things to do and she wants him to list them.

Business on the sides. Farrah Fawcett on the top.
Business on the sides. Farrah Fawcett on the top.

"Why can't you just say, 'You know what Sim. I'll give you a day'," she asks, the carefree nickname of Sim not matching her accusatory attitude.

"You know what you told me at the start of the week? You said this is gonna be a good week and I said why and you said you might be surprised."

Xavier gets worried, thinking he now has to buy her presents every day.

"I didn't mean it was coming from me. What, do I need to surprise you with stuff every week or something?"

Speaking of surprises, Simone will be perturbed to find out Bryce has surprised Erin with their wedding photos. And they're exceptionally tacky.

Printed on a large canvas is an aerial photo of them with what looks to be a giant photoshopped staircase winding around them.

"That's arty as f*ck," Erin observes.

F*ckin' art.
F*ckin' art.

On the farm, Christie's managed to hijack Mark's tractor and drives him up to Sydney to acclimatise him to the city.

Opening the door, she can't wait to show off her apartment to him.

At this point it's important to note, there are two types of people in this world: Those who have mini blackboards in their home with inspirational quotes written on them. And those who see other people's inspirational quote boards and draw a penis on them.

Christie is the former. She has an inspirational quote blackboard and I couldn't even be bothered reading what's on it.

The perfect canvas for a cartoon doodle.
The perfect canvas for a cartoon doodle.

Mark can't get over how small everything is and Christie's annoyed that Mark, a 36-year-old straight farmer, didn't notice her interior design skills.

"I don't think I've ever had anyone walk into my unit and not comment on it and say, 'Aww you've got such a beautiful (home)'," she says, genuinely offended. "He's the first person who didn't say anything."

To satisfy Christie, let's all take a moment to admire the giant yellow statement lamp in her lounge room. Not because it's particularly exquisite, but because it's pretty hard to miss.

Christie in her much-complimented apartment.
Christie in her much-complimented apartment.

Making up after their argument, Simone and Xavier are en route to Simone's parents' house. This is the first time the in laws get to grill the new addition to their family.

Simone's mum, Robin, seems like a hoot.

Robin's line of questioning isn't as fun as her purple nail polish.
Robin's line of questioning isn't as fun as her purple nail polish.

But Robin is a reasonable lady and eases Xavier into the night.

"So, what's the sleeping arrangements now?" she quizzes straight off the bat.

"We slept in the same bed the night of the wedding," Simone casually spills.

Satisfied with her bed question, Robin then takes Xavier aside for a one-on-one chat.

"What I'd like to see for Simone is a bit of ROMANCE. How are you with ROMANCE? Are you planning any ROMANTIC DINNERS?"

Either Robin has bugged Xavier's apartment and heard Simone arguing with him about his lack of romance, or Simone is telling her mum everything. I'd be thrilled with the first scenario, but I'm pretty sure Simone's just dobbed him in.

When your realise your girlfriend's told her mum everything you've said.
When your realise your girlfriend's told her mum everything you've said.

Christie takes Mark to her sister's house where the most interesting thing to happen is a close-up of this big bunch of bananas on the dining room table.

They match Christie's giant yellow lamp.
They match Christie's giant yellow lamp.

For Erin, after having a barbecue lunch with Bryce's parents, she's treated to an afternoon trip to the shoe store with his mum Enid.

Now Enid may seem harmless, but she's a snake and she'll catch you off guard. Just when she asks the salesman if they have a pair of Hush Puppies in a size seven, she'll whip around and ask you about your reproductive plans.

"Do you think you will ever have a family? Huh? Do you like babies?" she questions.

Erin reacts the same way any of us would if our partner-for-three-week's mother demanded we give her a grandchild on the spot.

She closes her eyes, presses her palms together and prays to be turned into a pair of the half-price Birkenstocks hanging on the wall behind her.

Erin would rather wear Hush Puppies than answer Enid's baby questions.
Erin would rather wear Hush Puppies than answer Enid's baby questions.

- news.com.au

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