A daily look at life's oddities by Ana Samways

Sideswipe: February 19: Gallows humour?


Found at a hospital florist, writes Josephine McGillivray. "Can't imagine anyone confined to a hospital bed being too thrilled to receive a dying plant. Or maybe it's an exceptionally good attempt at gallows humour?"

Things posh mums say ...

Thankfully someone spends their days eavesdropping on the posh mums of North London and tweeting the things they've overheard @Highgatemums:

1. "My girl's in the lowest tier, but I'm convinced she's being used to be an aspirational focus for her less-abled classmates."

2. "Darling, don't scrape your chair. It makes your presence over-known."

3. "Her first words were 'shoes' and 'brioche'."

4. "I know she's mine, but she's an appalling painter. Her use of greens is one of the few saving graces."

5. "The workmen start on the basement conversion at eight. All for a bloody home cinema thing. My quality of life is near absolute zero."

6. "People underestimate how stressful it is moving to a house that's nearly twice as big. Every room feels like an empty bachelor pad."

7. "How can they really claim poverty when they have a television? Or carpets?"

8. "It annoys me that my own child wears cotton without any sense of its history or the historic struggles in its manufacture."

9. "There's no nicer way to put this, but frankly ANYONE can afford to go skiing these days."

10. "There's a sadness in his eyes. I'm sure it comes from an awareness that he'll have to intellectually leave his friends behind."

Kiwis with chips on their shoulders

Fiona writes: "In our street we have myna birds and at two of our local parks I regularly see them and magpies. Your correspondent Roger Clarke refers to the noise made by mynas and Aussie cricketers and their press; I prefer the squawks and calls of both birds when compared to the regular bleating and whining (and a recent Herald commemoration) from my fellow Kiwis about a cricket underarm bowl -- 35 YEARS AGO. Too many chips on too many NZ shoulders when it comes to anyone and anything Australian, especially sport, in my opinion."

Hop to it and help find Bunny

"Yet another much-loved Bunny has been lost," writes Emily. "This time outside a dairy and Japanese food bar on Lincoln Rd, Henderson. Bunny has most likely been abandoned next to the bouncy ball machine, while his 3-year-old owner, Charlie, got sidetracked and momentarily forgot all about his best buddy.

Alternatively, there's a small chance Mum left him on the roof of the car while getting the kid strapped in ... in which case, I'm a dumbass, and he could be anywhere between Henderson and Oratia, complete with a couple of wrong turns. I've gone back to the shop with no luck. As I live on the Awhitu Peninsula, I'll never see any local lost or found notices or community Facebook posts, if he's been lucky enough to be found by someone who understands how special a favourite toy is."

A gun-like device that makes chips

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- NZ Herald

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