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Britney adopts twins, plans funeral? Becks and The City

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Pop travesty Britney Spears is reportedly adopting Chinese twins.
The desperate singer has confided in friends that she's in talks with an adoption agency, and plans to move ahead with the adoption as soon as possible.
This latest revelation comes weeks after it was announced that estranged hubby K-Fed was given full custody of their kiddies, Sean Preston, two, and one-year-old Jayden James.
Pals close to Spears say that she embraced the idea of scooping the two six-year-old tots from China in a bid to fill the void left by losing her own kids.
Poor Britney, she probably thought she was ordering Chinese take-out.
And there's more...
British tabloid News of The World also reports that Spears has forked out 25,000 pounds (NZ $68,000) on her own funeral.
The troubled singer is said to be increasingly aware of her own mortality and is convinced her chaotic lifestyle could send her to an early grave.
A source close to Britney says: "It doesn't seem that Britney has thought this through completely. Adoption and a funeral? The two don't exactly go hand-in-hand.
"Paying for a funeral is a sensible thing to do - but not when you're only 25!
"It's a case of too much, too soon with Britney.
"Not a week goes by without something strange happening to her now. She's doing herself no favours."
To be honest, if this story turns out to be true, I'll gladly eat my proverbial hat.
Actually...I don't know about you, but I'm so over her cringe worthy exploits, I'd gladly chew my own arm off just to throw it at her.


Brit, it's been lovely, but I have to scream now!
The naked truth
British chef Jamie Oliver has made an enemy of Angelina Jolie - after he accidentally called her daughter by the wrong name.
The Daily Star reports that the Naked Chef made the faux pas when he rang Angie up for an interview and asked after her daughter.
He apparently asked how "Piloh Shitt" was doing?
Her name is actually Shiloh Nouvel Jolie-Pitt.
Oliver later apologised for the slip and sent her a pudding made from Cheerios (WTF?)
A source said, "It was just a slip of the tongue. But it did sound like he was dissing her first-born."
Piloh Shitt? Talk about landing yourself head-on in the brown stuff.
Becks and The City
After her shamelessly self-promoting cameo on Ugly Betty, Victoria Beckham has been approached by the producers of Sex And The City: The Movie for a starring role in the hotly-anticipated flick.
The walking sack of silicone was meant to film her cameo before Christmas, but she had to delay things because of her Spice Girls tour commitments.
Posh says: "I got asked to be in the Sex And The City film, which I would have loved to have done, but because I am in full-on Spice Girls rehearsal mode, unfortunately, I can't do it right now."
But sources tell the Daily Mail that movie bosses won't take no for an answer and are frantically re-jigging their filming schedule so they can accommodate Posh's needs.
An on-set source says: "The producers are doing everything they can, including moving around filming schedules, to get her on board.
"The movie people and Posh's people are in talks to get another date in the new year for her to shoot some scenes.
That's just what we needed to hear: a narcissistic, pouting stick insect muscling in on the last bit of hallowed showbiz turf that was (to date) Brand-Beckham free.
Pretty-in-pink
Sarah Jessica Parker was filming a scene inside the Diane von Furstenberg store in New York City for Sex and the City: The Movie last week.
Have a look-see here.
The big split
Wrestling giant Hulk Hogan's missus wants out of their marriage.
Linda Bollea has officially filed for divorce from her husband of almost 20 years, Hulk Hogan, aka Terry Bollea.
Bollea filed the divorce papers in Florida last Tuesday, but did not give a reason for the split.
Hogan's wifey stars on their hideous VH1 reality show Hogan Knows Best.
The pair has two kids, Brooke, 19, and Nick, 17.
Nick is currently facing police charges for driving like a twit after his car crashed into a tree. His unfortunate passenger is in hospital with a brain injury.
Hulk Hogan was apparently unaware that his wife was unhappy and filing for divorce.
He learnt about the move when a reporter rang him to ask for a comment. On the receiving end, Hogan was reportedly too shocked to say anything and hung up.
However, the reported got his story when the Hulkster called him back five minutes later and told him he was "shocked by the news" and that it was "completely unexpected".
The reporter was not disappointed. After about 5 minutes, Hulk called him back and said:
"I'm kind of shocked. You caught me off-guard. My wife has been in California for about three weeks. ... Holy smokes. Wow, you just knocked the bottom out of me. ... I just pulled over to the side of the road for five minutes to find out what was going on here."
Spice Girls in 'fake' email drama
The Spice Girls have been forced to deny plans to cancel their upcoming concert in Argentina, after a hoax email was sent out to fans by an apparent prankster.
The dubious email was sent out to every Spice fan that registered for tickets for their gig in Buenos Aires, and claimed the show was cancelled.
However, a Spice spokesperson says: "The Spice Girls would like to make it clear that they have not cancelled their Buenos Aires show.
"A story has appeared on several websites that includes a fake email and competition from the girls. The fake email claims that due to the demand so far in the UK and the US this show is going to be cancelled.
"The email goes onto say that they will be running some competitions for their South American fans to travel to the UK to watch a show.
"This is not the case and this email is 100 per cent unofficial and has nothing to so with the Spice Girls."
Source: BBC
Bow chika bow wow!
Rapper Kanye West allegedly once planned on becoming a porn star - because of his addiction to women.
However, his engagement to ladyfriend Alexis Phifer put an end to any plans he had to wave his wand before the cameras.
West revealed: "That career choice popped into my head once or twice. What guy doesn't want that? Just sometimes in their life. This is my mentality before I was engaged."
Source: Contactmusic.com
Take the shame
Hypocritical Kevin Federline was left distinctly red-faced last week when his driver ran through a red light - at the exact same intersection where ex-wife Britney mad a boo-boo.
What's even worse is the fact that the couple's son, Sean Preston, was in the back seat at the time.
TMZ reports a witness to the driving crime saying, "The driver slowed a little but he was never going to stop, as you're supposed to.
"It's crazy that this should happen just days after Britney was banned for driving with the kids in the car. It seems the couple's young sons aren't safe with anyone behind the wheel!"
What goes around comes around, K-Fed.
It's Miller time
Lovebirds Sienna Miller and Rhys Ifans have had their first tiff, The Sun reveals.
The odd couple had cross words after Miller beat the living daylights out of Kate Moss with a cricket bat.
But, sadly, it wasn't the real McCoy - it was merely a papier mache replica of the gobby supermodel.
Miller's fella was livid with the blonde basher after she compared the doll to his best mate Moss.
Bang goes any hope of a reconciliation between Miller and Moss.
An onlooker who spotted the pair holidaying in Mexico said: "Sienna and Rhys got into the Mexican spirit by joining some children in a pre-Christmas party game of smash the pi--ata, which hung from a tree.
"But Sienna made the mistake of remarking that the paper model looked like her nemesis Kate.
"And she wound him up by being a little too enthusiastic when she hit it. He was furious."
I'm on Miller's side.
That Moss may try to come across as some sophisticated mop handle with a row of white teeth, but by the flicker of a false eyelash she'd scrape your eyes out with a fingernail.
Hoffing at the mouth
The Hoff has been spinning like a top recently, after realising that his career is deader than disco.
But who can the big man blame for his carcass of a career? His poor agent, obviously.
The New York Post says the Hoff let rip at his agent in the Polo Lounge restaurant in Beverly Hills last week.
A nameless diner said: "It was amazing. Everyone could hear that he was in a bad mood and complaining bitterly about the sort of jobs he has been offered lately.
"The fact that he was having a huge tantrum was bad enough, but when he just got up and stormed out everyone was sitting there open-mouthed."
Temper tantrums in public. Oh dear.
As his former four-wheeled mate KITT would say: "I wouldn't advise that, Michael."
One more time...
Here's the classic video of the Hoff and THAT burger incident.
Take splat!
This is a classic.
An overexcited Take That fan brought a gig to a standstill when she went into premature labour.
Louise Morris was so overcome with emotion at seeing her favourite idols on stage, her waters broke.
The confused group had to delay the start of the concert as emergency services were called to aid the 33-year-old teacher, as her dumbfounded partner looked on.
New mother Morris tells British newspaper The Mirror: "Take That were just coming on when my waters broke.
"I couldn't believe it. It was so embarrassing. The lights had to be kept on while I was carried out.
"The whole concert was delayed because of me.
"I heard Marc Owen come on stage and say, 'Sorry we're late but a woman is having a baby and we wish her luck'."
Morris gave birth to her first child six hours after the concert.
Honey, I hear ya. There was a time when the sight of the band (with Robbie in tow) would have sent me into contractions.
This is the reason why I love entertainment. Just like that, it can go from crazy to cute.
Give it a bone, Mucca
Peg-leg whingebag Heather Mills and her new mouthpiece, Elyzabeth whats-her-face, are on a rampage.
The batty pair is swearing to cut off any news media that dares to make fun of poor Mucca.
Well, that's me off her Christmas card list for a start.
Mucca's spokeswoman, Elyzabeth (I swear she spells her name that way just to be 'upper class') has now taken to videoblogging about her client and has ranted about how the press covered Mills' statement about "drinking rat's milk".
Mills, a militant vegan, urged meat-eaters to try drinking milk from dogs or rats instead of cows.
Predictably, the media thought she was off her rocker.
"She was joking about the rats," said Elyzabeth. "But she was serious about the milk. It is very bad for people, especially children. A cow can only give so much."
Elyzabeth said that Mills was "furious" over the media coverage about her rat comments:
"She told me, 'You can only take so much, then you become numb. Everything I do, people take it apart.' "
The pair is determined to cut off their communication with media outlets.
"They want to make fun of her? Now CBS is out. Inside Edition, out. Most British press, including the Daily Mirror and The Mail, out," Elyzabeth declared.
"Believe me, all these outlets will be sorry.
She added, "I'm so happy doing this, I'll take what comes my way. They want to take me down? I'll take them down with me."
"Heather married Paul McCartney, period. It's not going away. And during this divorce they [the media] will need access and are not going to get it.
"They are [bleep]holes. There are limits and they make fun of her. They've crossed the line."
Honey, you're about to drag Mills and all concerned down with the sinking ship.
Source: NY Post
Papa won't reach...for his wallet
Love rat Eddie Murphy, also known as The Beverly Hills C*ck, has reportedly told his lawyers that he has absolutely no interest in seeing his love child with Spice Girl, Mel B.
British tabloid The Sun says that Mel B's maintenance case had to be delayed for three months - because miser Murphy refused to submit an offer.
Understandably, Mel has spat the dummy.
A source close to the star says, "Mel was furious. She had been planning to take Angel to meet her dad for the first time. But when she heard Eddie would only be sending his lawyers she decided to do the same. She expected at least some kind of an offer."
The Grinch
Kabbalah fanatic Madonna has banned Christmas - it's official
Hubby Guy Richie spoke to People magazine and said, "We cancelled Christmas a few years ago. And ever since we stopped the presents, we are actually enjoying it."
The tight-assed tyrants - I bet your poor kids are gagging for a traditional Christmas, filled with festive cheer and frivolity.
Enough of this Kabbalah humbug!
Proud puppies
Heidi Klum clearly loves her lady lumps.
The model has shot a promo video for the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show that airs in the US on December 5, and proudly fondles her sacred puppies.
See here.
Fast gossip
* Baby Borat is actually cute: ICYDK
* Which actor's marriage proposal was turned down? Celebslam
* Angelina Jolie is naked - IDLYITW
* Nicole Richie promotes dog urinals: Hollywoodrag
* Mariah Carey launches her stink: ASL
* Naomi Campbell looks like a hooker: AH
* What is Barry Manilow puffing on? Seriously? OMG! WTF?
* Jude Law doesn't regret cheating on Sienna Miller: ICYDK

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