If you've ever wondered how Mary Magdalene would behave at a party, what Tony Bennett would be like in bed, or when it's acceptable to use the c word, Boners of the Heart may be the podcast for you.
Comedians Rose Matafeo and Alice Snedden, are like French and Saunders on speed and doused in smut, where no subject's too sacred to sink their acerbic chops into. With a growing fanbase worldwide, the podcast's getting noticed, recently being selected for Air NZ's inflight entertainment.
At Snedden's home in Grey Lynn they debate what Boners Of The Heart is.
"It's about two reluctant friends," says Matafeo, then Snedden interrupts, "I'll explain."
"It's about two reluctant friends ..." and their laughter splits the room. One thing they do a lot is pilfer each other's lines.
"Seriously," Matafeo says, "it's like when you see two women laughing and you wonder what they're talking about."
In keeping with a solid friendship they laugh about their boners (crushes) from "sitcom dads" to "crooners" to "Biblical babes" but they never stick to the topic. No subject is taboo - from Danny DeVito's attractiveness to whether Jesus had difficulties seducing women, to patriarchal society. In one episode they debate, fiercely, who has the most powerful ovaries. In another they check the age appropriateness of their TV crushes as they explore the teen heart-throb world of Archie comics. Their banter is intimate (Matafeo has a thing for Steve Martin), revealing (they both have the same cup size) and informative (if you like peculiar facts about pop culture). But it's their willingness to have a good fight that cranks up the humour.
It was a fight, working together on Funny Girls, that ignited the idea, explains Snedden. "We were having an obnoxious conversation about whether time was liner or circular and afterwards Matafeo suggested a podcast 'to talk about that shit'."
The two, who had become friends working together on Jono and Ben and cult comedy Snort, discovering a shared love of matriarchal Southern belle films, old Nat King Cole CDs and knitting. Plus: "We're both into weird guys," says Matafeo. "And Alice was the only one who challenged my authority. I respected that."
They're openly competitive, especially about the number of Matafans v Snedheads, ruthlessly quipping about their careers and talent. If Matafeo sings loudly Snedden shuts her down, "This isn't the Rose show!"
Matafeo has performed stand-up shows since she was 15, winning the Billy T James Award at 18, and this week claiming the Fred Award (best show) at the NZ International Comedy Festival. Now 25, she's based in London, where she says it's nice not to be so known.
Snedden, 28, segued into comedy three years ago working as a bartender at Basement Theatre. "I was useless," she admits. Word soon spread that while hopeless at making a martini, Snedden was very funny. Trained as a lawyer, she abandoned the dusty legal world for chaotic improv in New York, and performed her first solo show this year.
They don't beat around the bush on who's beddable - men or women - from David Letterman (yes) to Monica's Dad in Friends (yes) to Sarah Silverman (f*** yes). Dick Van Dyke, at 90 gets the nod with Matafeo but Snedden tops her with the crooner Tony Bennett at 91.
Even Jesus gets rated. "The Christians did well to get a babe," admits Matafeo. "Well, they completely whitewashed him," says Snedden "but they do show off his body."
Arguably, if two men talked about who they would like to bed on a podcast there would be gnashing of teeth. "It's false equivalency," Snedden says. "If men talked about women in the way we talk about men it would already be 100 per cent controversial. Because the power dynamic is so different where two women are sexualising men, then ... " and Matafeo butts in, "We're not bad feminists we're showing that good feminists can be bad."
Although happy to be labelled feminists they don't sell themselves as such. "We don't have an agenda," Matafeo says. Nor do they have rules.
In White Pants, an episode about their comedian crushes, Snedden says, "when it comes to society I want nothing to do with the patriarchy but when it comes to the bedroom ..." and Matafeo finishes her sentence, "then bring it on baby, crush me with your patriarchy!"
Boners of the Heart captures the dichotomies that females - of all ages - face, and unlike other forms of media, in their podcast world they're unfiltered.
They're also unfiltered describing each other.
"Cold," says Snedden on Matafeo.
Matafeo yawns. "I'm tired!"
Snedden laughs, "But also kind."
"I lie and give a shit," says Matafeo, "And Alice doesn't give a shit and tells the truth."
And for once Snedden has nothing to retort.