Like a Valentines' restaurant buffet, the offerings of the New Zealand Comedy Festival are diverse. Fortunately for comedy lovers, the quality is better.
With so many comedians on offer, it's difficult to know who to talk to.
The comedians who have made me laugh the hardest in the past? The ones with the best reviews? The most awards?
In the end I took the most appealing option and went with the two best-looking comedians: New Zealander Simon McKinney, and Scotsman Danny Bhoy.
Looks don't end up being a priority as we're doing this by phone. I'm meant to call McKinney at midday, but it's 11.30am. I apologise, knowing full well that comedians are quite lazy and enjoy nothing more than a lie-in.
"No, no, you have a conception about the comedy industry that's totally off. I've been up for minutes now!" laughs McKinney.
This year he'll be performing his fourth solo show at the festival, where he's become a crowd favourite with his various personas including farmers, drug lords and his favourite - the German.
"The show's called People. We're going to do the posters like a Wilbur Smith novel: we'll put a big name at the top, SIMON MCKINNEY, then People. But the catchphrase is my favourite bit and this will be in speech marks: 'Those around you are the greatest show on earth'."
The catchphrase is an idea his eight-year-old self learnt from his father while the pair were waiting for his mum at the mall, bored. Dad suggested the young Simon simply look at people for entertainment. Simon did. And he liked what he saw.
"The ability to become other people on stage is quite a cool thing. We used to do it in our family. Dad would come back from talking with someone and to give a better idea of how the conversation went between him and, say, a German guy - he would become that guy.
"It wasn't to get us slapping our knees by making it funny, it was just to make it clear. But, like anything, when you get a very clear idea of how a conversation went, it becomes very entertaining."
I ask whether, as an observer of people, he's ever worried people will observe back.
"I hope they do! Anytime anyone points at my foibles - and I have stacks - it's great! It's like looking at a photo of yourself. When people crane their necks to see someone going through photos on their phone, they're interested to see how everyone else looks - but they can't wait to see themselves."
McKinney takes a while to answer when I request his favourite persona. But it always comes back to the German.
"A guy I know went over to Germany and he was in this guy's kitchen looking out across some fields and there was a bunch of cranes in the distance. And my friend stopped and said, 'Look, I can see all these cranes, there are so many, whatever they're building must be huge!' And his German friend turned to him and said, 'No, no, you misunderstand... they are not building anything... that is where they make the cranes.' It's such a lovely little story, because the German saw nothing funny about it."
Of course we love foreigners in New Zealand and we especially love foreign comedians. Danny Bhoy's practically made our comedy festival a second home.
"I've got a strange career where I am bigger outside of Scotland than I am in my own country," he chortles. Bhoy puts it down to a similar sense of humour, which he describes as more laid-back. Conversely, he says our attitude makes him work hard for laughs.
"You tend to be very conservative at the beginning: a feeling of 'I've paid, but I'm not gonna laugh unless this guy makes me laugh'. And I really like that, because I always come out of it a little bit sharper. I come off going, 'I don't know if they enjoyed that or not!' But everyone comes up and shakes your hand and says they loved it."
The fact is, Bhoy is one of the most sought-after comics on the scene today. He just had a special on Comedy Central and has been touring all over Australia and the United States.
He's a big hit at Edinburgh, where he hones a new show every year. But with all the success, I have to ask about his biggest bomb.
"Only a f**king New Zealander would ask that! It's one of the most horrible things in life when you bomb on stage. Way back in the beginning, I took every gig I could. 'Can Danny do a gig on a farm?' Yes, no problem. 'Can Danny do a gig in the cinema?' Yep, no problem. And so I did this gig where all I had was an address.
"It was in a place in Kent, quite rural. And I thought, 'Oh yes it's a pub or a club'. I got to the address on a really snowy night and it was someone's house." He pauses to laugh.
"It's a Christmas dinner party of 14 people and I have to stand at the top of the dinner table and deliver jokes. It was the most horrendous thing you've ever seen. Literally a stranger - an intruder - standing by someone's table while they're all having dinner in silence."
Unlike many comedians who rely on punchlines, Bhoy's developed a gentle knack for storytelling. It's an art he credits to Billy Connelly, who started as a folk singer who'd tell jokes in between songs.
"Then once he did a show where it was all jokes and no songs. He pretty much invented what we do now."
As for this year's festival, Bhoy's looking forward to seeing McKinney. Both are comedians who don't embody the classic mould of 'comic'. They draw you into their own world, through characters and storytelling. I've seen both perform, and have left sore from laughing. I guess that does make them comics. Just don't be expecting a drum roll.
It's quite heartening to hear both men speak highly of the New Zealand comedy scene and how much it's grown. From live stand-up to New Zealand comedy on TV - we finally seem be getting it right.
"We're just so grateful the public is finally finding out that comedy is not just touch and go; you can now choose your standard. There's stuff everywhere. We're overjoyed," says McKinney.
For him, as a local, it's great news. He's been doing comedy now for 12 years (I ask how old he is - "I'm 32. No, wait, I just turned 33 the other day!" he recovers) and enjoys nothing more than audience members appreciating his characters.
"And if they recognise themselves, or their sister, or uncle, or brother it's an unmistakable laugh you hear. It comes from deep down: the uncontrollable laugh. And that's the one I'm after."
Danny Bhoy
ASB Theatre, Aotea Centre, THE EDGE
16, 17 and 18 May 8.30pm
0800 BUY TICKETS
Book online
Simon McKinney: People
Herald Theatre, THE EDGE
10 - 14 May
0800 BUY TICKETS
Book online
*This article originally appeared in THE EDGE publication LIVE.
