If New Zealand's second innings capitulation was a classified ad it might read something like this: "For sale. 2013 New Zealand second innings at Lord's. Promises much, but runs out of gas in a shade under two hours on the brink of history. Dial 196058 for disappointment."
1, 9, 6, 0, 5, 8 reads like the makings of a telephone number but is actually the individual scores of the New Zealand top six who could not turn an outstanding Tim Southee bowling performance into batting success.
Southee became the 17th New Zealander to get his name immortalised on the visitors' dressing room honours board with innings figures of six for 50 (to dismiss England for 213) and match figures of 10 for 108.
He joins Dion Nash as the only other New Zealander to take 10 or more wickets in a test at the Marylebone Cricket Club.
Southee knows how to steal a scene. He chose Lord's to secure his first test 10-wicket bag and underline his status as New Zealand's premier strike bowler. However, that's where the bouquets ended for the visitors.
Before England captain Alastair Cook could even contemplate Graeme Swann bowling into the burgeoning footmarks, New Zealand's innings disintegrated for 68 in one hour 54 minutes; a loss by 170 runs after being set 239 for victory.
It is New Zealand's third lowest total at the ground after a 47 in 1958 and a 67 in 1978. No innings ever looks flash when the No 9 (Neil Wagner) top scores with 17.
Who couldn't forgive Kiwi fans a touch of indigestion consuming their Nursery ground picnics as their team slumped to 29 for six at lunch? Crikey, even Father Time turned his back from atop his weather vane and looked like he was scarpering for St John's Wood Rd as the clock rang 1pm.
The prospect of a second test win in 16 attempts at Lord's was gone.
The New Zealand batting was disappointing because they faced an uncompromising bowling double act in Stuart Broad (seven for 44 from 11 overs - his best figures at Lord's) and James Anderson (two for 23), the only bowlers England used.
Broad claimed the spoils but Anderson offered as much scrutiny as they swung the ball from a full length anywhere from off to an imaginary fourth stump. Any international batsman would have found it formidable.
Compounding matters was the fact a fourth innings chase greater than 239 had been achieved twice in 126 previous tests over 129 years at the ground and injuries to BJ Watling and Bruce Martin meant neither was capable of running with any vigour. Martin's right calf injury will likely see him head home.
Doug Bracewell might replace him for what could be a pace-friendly second test pitch at Headingley.
If Watling is ruled out McCullum might take the gloves and bat at No. 7 so Martin Guptill can slot into the middle order. McCullum was non-committal about whether Tom Latham's wicket-keeping is up to test match standard. Luke Ronchi's arrival for the Champions Trophy warm-up matches adds another option.
The top six struggled as New Zealand lurched to defeat with the early loss of Peter Fulton, Hamish Rutherford and Ross Taylor. Even Kane Williamson played an uncharacteristic drive in the air to mid-off. Dean Brownlie edged behind and another McCullum review, this time for an LBW, failed.
On the New Zealand dressing room balcony several pieces of chewing gum looked like they were taking the rap for the early failings leading to lunch. Back molars dished out the punishment.
Earlier, Southee bowled a full length and coaxed the batsmen to play. He personified rhythm and swing from the Pavilion End and his name will be the fifth etched onto the wooden panelling behind Sir Richard Hadlee, Nash, Chris Cairns and Daniel Vettori, even if it was in awkward circumstances thanks to the subsequent batting.
Guptill, Brownlie and McCullum played cameos to Southee with safe hands at second slip, third slip and wicketkeeper respectively. Regular gloveman Watling continued to rest his injured left knee.
England could only offer 33 runs of resistance and were dismissed within the first hour. They lost their last eight wickets for 54 but it mattered little once they got the ball.
The second test starts Friday.