Sideswipe: June 18: Tramp of broken dreams


Michelle got this letter from her dentist and was amused : "Once upon a time, long ago, in a galaxy far away lived a species who thought that even if they didn't floss and only went to the dentist when they thought something was wrong, their teeth would last forever. Is it possible that a few of the aliens have been slowly inhabiting our planet? Hint ... watch out for "people" without teeth. Hygienist to all lifeforms - Please report in now. You do need to floss and see me regularly. Regards, Mt Eden Smile Patrol."

The trampoline of broken dreams
A guy puts an ad on Craigslist to sell his trampoline ... and he does it with flair. It reads: "They begged. Pleaded. Told me how they'd use it EVERY day. How our house would become THE place to hang out. We had a hot tub. And a basketball court. And a fire pit. And a hammock. But if we had THIS, well, we'd be rock stars ... So I caved. And I bought it. And I built it. And that first night they jumped. Then I watched from my window as the summer turned to fall and the fall turned to winter and the flurries came down and the snowmen went up and the rain came down and the flowers came up and spring turned to summer and I watched even still from the window, waiting, just waiting, for someone, anyone, to use that damn trampoline even once more.

Oh please, please, just once ... So after two years of sitting in my window staring out like a creepy old neighbour, I am selling it to make room for gardenias or tomato plants or a stockade jail to house three grumpy teenagers. Haven't decided yet."

Too good to be true
Writes John, of the tree-cum-playground in Grey Lynn Park delivered by last week's storm: "What a marvellous use for that fallen tree. Of course, the planners would have to make sure it was in exactly the right place and move it if necessary. Then the safety experts would have to decide which sharp and rough bits should be cut off, what sort of covering (bark chips or rubber mats) would be needed around it and what kind of hand rail is required. Designers would have to create the right colour to paint it. Conservationists would have to check if any native wildlife is endangered. The local iwi would have to be consulted in case Te Tiriti might be breached and to lift any tapu. Accountants would be needed to do a detailed costing, lawyers to write a contract for the work and consultants to supervise it ... Work could not start until resource consent had been granted and then at last, it would be opened during a ceremony presided over by the Minister of Something or Other who would claim credit. Then someone would decide it was too dangerous and fence it off."

"So I'm in Titirangi, queuing behind a chicken to buy chicken," writes Matthew.

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NZ Herald app users tap here for today's video.

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- NZ Herald

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