Sideswipe: Wednesday

By Ana Samways

Elizabeth Lennie writes: "I'm a 17 year-old who attends an inner-city school. We have no uniform. The other day I was waiting at the bus stop on Customs Street. I had 30 minutes until the bus would arrive, so I decided to start on my biology homework. After 10 minutes a police car drove slowly past, reversed and stopped. Two police officers approached and asked what I was doing. Confused, I said, "My bio homework". Their faces relaxed, but they still wanted to see my bio book. I was then told that the building opposite the bus stop was the American Consulate, which had called the police, because I had been sitting there a while and making notes. The Americans had interpreted this as me making notes about the building, and people entering and exiting, as though I was a terrorist."

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Mrs P. Salvador recalls what happened a few years ago near her husband's factory in Rosebank Rd. "One of his workmates arrived saying he had found a dead kiwi on the driveway. It was completely flattened and looked like it had been there for some time. They decided they should report it - it was after all a native bird. They were told someone would come to take it away, but in the meantime to put it in the freezer. When the man arrived, the kiwi was brought out and the man stared in disbelief at a very squished, very lifelike toy."

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Max arrived home one day ... "I went into the kitchen; there it was. A casserole with all the trimmings. My wife Marion nipped up to the supermarket to get some thickening, but after she left, I went to the pantry and there was the thickening. Being a considerate husband I decided to thicken the casserole myself. Shock upon horror! I could not understand it; the thickening frothed up and poured over the edges of the dish and on to the kitchen bench, making a huge mess. Marion returned, shook her head, found a large sieve and poured the casserole in. She turned on the hot tap, gave everything a rinse and remade the gravy. Then she said to me with a smile, "That was baking soda, Max. I will pour you a red wine ... "

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Diane Yukich of Blockhouse Bay writes: "We had enjoyed an hour of fine music by St Peters College music department when they announced a classical piece to be performed by their top orchestral musicians. The conductor went through each section, asking several players to fine-tune their instruments. Finally satisfied, he was ready to commence. My daughter in a rather audible whisper diplomatically stated, "I'm not sure their orchestra is that good if that's their best piece."

Competition Sideswipe is turning five so we decided it was time to give something back to you, the readers, who've made the daily swipery a must read. All items published today and in all columns this week, including Friday's, go into the draw to win a trip for two flying Air New Zealand to the Gold Coast and staying five days at the Marrakesh Resort. Send your entries by Thursday 3pm to be in to win. The winner will be announced next Monday in Sideswipe. For full terms and conditions of the prize offered, please go to the Herald online at www.nzherald.co.nz/promotions. Send the entries via email to ana.samways@nzherald.co.nz or by post to Sideswipe, c/- NZ Herald, PO Box 32, Auckland. Each day Sideswipe will link to a humorous, satirical or simply strange video clip selected from the infinite amount of nothingness hosted on YouTube and the like. The very best online videos will be carefully chosen and hosted on Ana's online magazine Spare Room and shared with Sideswipe readers. Today's Video Webpick: Gymnastic feats, theatrical outbursts and the best man-on-man group hugs. Here are Football's most over-the-top on-field celebrations. Watch it here.

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