Sideswipe: October 4: All your seagulls in a row

"Getting all your seagulls in a row," writes Tony Baker. "One on each of the bollards at Warkworth wharf."
"Getting all your seagulls in a row," writes Tony Baker. "One on each of the bollards at Warkworth wharf."

Kid Logic

1. I thought men had boys and women had girls. My logic was pretty solid, though. My parents were divorced. I was my mother's only child, and my father had two boys from a previous marriage.

2. I thought that when you kissed someone on the lips, you both automatically fell in love, since it seemed to happen all the time in Disney movies.

3. My mother told me, "Take one of these vitamins a day and you'll be perfectly healthy." My 4-year-old mind thought: "If one equals healthy, 20 equals superpowers!"

4. I thought that all buildings were slowly sinking into the ground because of how heavy they were and that's why archaeologists have to dig up ancient buildings.

5. When I was little, my parents were talking about a time they [went on holiday]. I kept insisting that I remembered that trip, but my mum would always reply that she was pregnant with me at the time and I wasn't born yet. So I said, "I crawled up your stomach and looked out of your mouth when you were yawning."

6. When I was 4, there was one of those starving-kids-in-Africa ads on the TV. There was a clip of a little boy digging through the rubbish at a dump looking for food. So I went to the fridge and put a box of strawberries and some other food in the bin for the little boy. (Source:

Classic Sideswipe

Lost in translation (2011): "While working as a secretary for a camping equipment company some years ago, I heard through the headphones of my dictation machine: 'A tent is not a dwelling place made of bricks and water, but is rather a skin of fabric between you and the elephants'. Made sense, I thought, as my boss was taking samples of our tents to an expo (maybe he was going to Africa). He roared with laughter and called me in to tell me that what he'd actually said was: 'A tent is not a dwelling place, made of bricks and mortar, but is rather a skin of fabric between you and the elements."'

Font of little knowledge

Client: Can we change the heading font to more acrylic?

Me: Sorry?

Client: Can we change it to more of an acrylic style font? You know, like slantways.

Me: Oh, you mean italic?

Client: No, I think it's acrylic. Please don't correct me again. The slanty "I" in Word, you know. For acrylic. (Source: Clients from Hell)

Picture this #1: Rachel's putting the Guinea Pigs to work on the berm in Blockhouse Bay...

Picture this #2: I hear you about the recall, but I've never heard of this new act...

Trade Me: This listing for a F&P P120 cupboard with light and magnetic seal is a good read. Apparently it was once a fridge/freezer...

Quake recovery: Ark Nova is a 500-seat inflatable concert hall that can be packed up and easily transported around parts of Japan where these facilities are no longer after the 2011 quake and tsunami. It's hug and features a rounded, organic design...

Video: BBC's The Bullshit Detective exposes three alleged mediums...

Got a Sideswipe? Send your pictures, links and anecdotes to Ana at

- NZ Herald

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