Nicky Park: The most annoying Facebook status updates

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'On holiday with my babe. #LuckiestGirlEver'. Photo / Thinkstock
'On holiday with my babe. #LuckiestGirlEver'. Photo / Thinkstock

I, like 1.15 billion other people on the planet, am a Facebook user. I think it's a great social networking tool. It helps us stay in touch, make exciting announcements, vent our spleen and share pictures of our new puppies/babies/boyfriends/tattoos.

But there are a few serial posters that are ruining it for all of us. You know the ones, the friends who pop up on your feed while you're scrolling through and make you growl. Often they're old school buddies, former flatmates or once-travel companions who aren't on your real life radar anymore - and their pestering posts mean it will stay that way.

Here are our most annoying Facebook posters, take a look and share yours below:

The sympathy prompter poster: "Sometimes life throws you a curve ball, I hope this is one I can catch." Some of your followers will fall victim to your bait and offer friendly condolences, things like: 'keep smiling, hun,' 'hope everything's ok, babe?' and 'feel better soon, gorgeous.' But I won't be fooled by your ambiguous attempt to tug at my heart strings.

The good life boaster poster: "Green juice, 15km run, 876 situps, now making sugar-free chia puddings - Life's good!" Firstly, I don't know if I should even believe you. Secondly, if this is what you have achieved on Saturday morning, please don't make me feel bad as I watch a Come Dine With Me Marathon hoping these salt and vinegar chips soak up my hangover.

The proud parent poster: "Jasper is eating pumpkin," "Can't believe Jasper is 1!" "Jasper loves sand!" Parents, I get it, you're proud as punch. And sometimes, your kid is even a cutie. I'm happy to gush over a snap or two of your newborn (note: not too new). It's when there's a daily commentary on what your little honeypuff is up to that I start to hide those posts. Also, I kind of feel a bit bad for the kid, what if they don't want their chubby cheeks splattered all over the internet from birth?

The OTT O/S poster: Yes, I know you're on holiday. I was there clinking glasses with you at the farewell. It's very exciting. But you don't need to check in at every international airport departure lounge. And those photographs you take of your tanned holiday hand clasping a crisp glass of wine with the tropical beach in the background - done to death. Can you please get off your phone and enjoy your holiday. The rest of us are trying to ignore you and get on with our same ol' lives.

The philosophical poster: "Putting my thoughts to melody," "Come at me life," and any number of random inspiring one-liners you've found littering the interweb. Oh my goodness, I cringe. I don't understand why you are doing this. The only reason I don't hide your posts is because I find some sick pleasure in reading these aloud.

The PDA poster: "176 sleeps till I marry my true love," "Missing my boo so much," "I am the luckiest girl in the world." Don't get me wrong, love's ... lovely ... but you don't need to proclaim your heart songs from the social networking soapbox. A happy couple profile pic - adorable. A silly, boozy affection shot seasonally - gush. But keep the Mills and Boon scripts to yourselves, lovebirds.

Now your turn - Do you agree with our annoying posters? What Facebook status updates grind your gears?

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Nicky Park

Editor of Life & Style.

Nicky lives to wine, dine and thrive. As Life & Style Editor at the New Zealand Herald online, she feels lucky she can call this work. Nicky crafted her writing skills as a cadet for an Australian news wire. Amongst the coverage of sport, news, finance and courts she found a favourite in features. A stint as a foreign correspondent sent this chipper Aussie across the Tasman, covering the big issues of the Pacific Islands. Every single day Nicky relishes the opportunities she has to mix and mingle with interesting people, feast on delicious food, visit new places and write all about it. Nicky wants everyone to make the most of their minutes, learn lots and live their best life.

Read more by Nicky Park

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