Sideswipe

A daily look at life's oddities by Ana Samways

Sideswipe: January 19: Drop your pants here

A quick dryclean. Photo / Supplied
A quick dryclean. Photo / Supplied

Quick service in the provinces. David snapped this photo of a drycleaners' sign in New Plymouth.
More misheard lyrics

1. "As kids, my young brother and I heard 'Release mother duck!' instead of 'Feliz Navidad' - from the Christmas song by Jose Feliciano - and I imagined it was a plea to people to change their Christmas menu and not serve roast duck!"

2. "My brother swore for years that Rod Stewart's song went 'These curtains are cheapest' instead of 'The first cut is the deepest'."

3. "It was many years before I realised that Al Green's song Take Me to the River actually had the line, 'Take me to the river and wash me down', rather than the version I heard, 'Take me to the river and watch me drown'."

4. "One of the tracks on my son's Paper Jam Guitar is the annoying ditty Two Princes by the Spin Doctors.

After hearing it many, many, many times, we are still convinced that the lyrics say, 'I know what a prison lover ought to be', instead of the more mundane and correct 'prince and lover'."

5. "Shortly after the release of Sex on Fire by Kings of Leon, my 10-year-old daughter could often be heard wandering around the house singing at the top of her lungs, 'Wooooaaahhhhh, your satchel's on fire!' (Correct words: 'You, your sex is on fire')."

6. "Fortunately my then 5-year-old daughter thought that the Pussycat Dolls sang 'Don't you wish your dolphin would cough like me' rather than 'Don't you wish your girlfriend was hot like me'."

7. "My ex-boyfriend was singing away in the car one day to the Bee Gees. He actually thought the song More Than A Woman was about 'a bald-headed woman'. And he was in his 30s at the time!"

8. "My daughter, 6, is a huge Bob Marley fan. Her favourite song is Exodus. However, how she sings it becomes 'Pixiedust ... Movement of the people'. I like her version much better."

9. "My daughter thought the words to Cher's Turn Back Time were 'If I could turn back time, if I could find Norway'."

10. "I can ruin two more songs for people if you'd like: 'Dirty deeds done with sheep' (done dirt cheap) and 'I've got a flat plastic woman' (I've got a black magic woman)."

Supermarket bin sin

Discussions about dirty dogs inevitably lead to dirty kids ... "My wife was horrified at Pak'n'Save, Sylvia Park, to spot a toddler with her hands deep in the mixed-fruit-and-nuts bin while her mother browsed nearby," writes Rex from Panmure. "When we drew the mother's attention to the fact the girl was playing with people's food, she simply shrugged her shoulders ... You wouldn't think it necessary for management of supermarkets to advise the public that this practice was unacceptable."

- NZ Herald

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