1. If it was really important, wouldn't Helen have made a woman captain?
2. The only village that still cares enough to field a decent team is bloody Christchurch.
3. Four words - Dancing with the Stars.
4. No one has spat at a horse owned by a losing All Black coach in ages.
5. It can't be all that good if they've put the midweek matches up against Shortland Street and The Simpsons.
6. If we were that obsessed, the Rugby Union wouldn't have to beg us to buy match tickets to tests and provincial games.
7. We only wear black because it's so terribly slimming, darling.
8. No one has launched a vitriolic Blackheart campaign to back the Blacks.
9. We only go to watch them for their make-up.
10. Because, well ... look, just leave us alone, there's a game on.