UNDERSTAND THAT IT WILL BE COLD
Ok, this may be expected, but it's important not to forget. The general rule is the further south you go, the colder it gets.
Winter temps in Auckland in the high teens Celsius aren't at all uncommon, but down in Southland you'll have a few days below zero.
Seriously, the one winter I was down there was almost as cold as the winter I spent living in Sweden. Worse, no-one had a clue what glögg (Swedish mulled wine) was.
PREPARE TO GET WET
It will rain just about every other day, and unless you're living in Queenstown the odds of snow sticking on the ground are about the same as the All Blacks going on a five-match losing streak.
INVEST IN A DE-HUMIDIFIER
New Zealand homes and apartments are notoriously cold and damp. And damp conditions can lead to mould, which in turn can cause all sorts of health problems, especially lung problems.
It's one of the reasons New Zealand has one of the highest rates of respiratory illnesses in the developed world.
Don't invest in an umbrella. it'll be far too windy - and Kiwis hardly use them, anyway.
CONSIDER A STATEMENT JACKET OR COAT
The puffier the better seems to be the preferred style among Kiwis. While I like to wear bright pink, most folks seem to go for various shades of grey.
EXPECT TO HEAR A LOT OF GRUMBLING
New Zealanders seem to like complaining about the weather as much as they do Auckland's traffic.
Feel free to complain to Kiwis about the weather too. Chances are you'll win them over if you do.
DON'T EXPECT SANTA TO SHOW UP ANYTIME SOON
While those of us from the Northern Hemisphere associate winter with the imminent arrival of Saint Nicholas down the chimney, that's just not the case in New Zealand, where he's more likely to crash a barbecue.
GET USED TO HEARING THE WORD "CUPPA"
Basically, it's Kiwi slang for a hot cup of something, usually a beverage like coffee or tea. But, weirdly, it can also refer to soup or stew. Go figure.
Also, you'll be hankering for it, but it's surprisingly tough to find mulled wine. Even in a city as large as Auckland, I've only been able to find it in a handful of places.
Heartbreaking.
DON'T LET APPEARANCES DECEIVE YOU
Just because a winter's morning looks the same as a summer's morning, and just because there are these tall things called "palm trees" standing around, doesn't mean it won't be cold enough to cause hypothermia within minutes.
EMBRACE THE INDOORS
Read some good books, write, take warm baths, discover new music, or learn to cook - especially hot things.
My rule of thumb: the colder the temperatures, the spicier the cooking must be.
Think about buying a portable heater or three. Most homes in New Zealand don't have internal heating systems or insulation, for reasons I do not understand.
CONSIDER A TRIP TO QUEENSTOWN
It's considered one of the best winter wonderlands in the world for a reason.
If you do want to go someplace warmer, there are direct flights to island paradises like Fiji, Tonga and Samoa. Even better, they're usually relatively inexpensive.
So there you have it. A compendium of tips and tricks to help you make it through the long, dark and chilly days alive - and with your sanity intact.
Am I being over dramatic? Perhaps. But remember: if the Māori were able to survive in Aotearoa after arriving from the tropical South Pacific (and without modern conveniences like electric blankets), then so can you.
