Tired tales from the parenting coal-face: Mum of two Emily shares stories and solidarity while listening to Let it Go for the millionth time.

Emily Writes: 'Shareable' parenting wisdom

8 comments
One day your baby will smear yoghurt all over himself and his highchair and then throw it on the floor for the last time. Photo / Getty
One day your baby will smear yoghurt all over himself and his highchair and then throw it on the floor for the last time. Photo / Getty

I don't know if anyone has explained to you how growing works but one day your baby is going to be an adult. I found this out from a shared poem on Facebook.

I'm really glad I discovered it because this whole time that my kids have been growing I've been like WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON? I thought babies stayed babies forever.

So ever since reading this life-changing poem, I've been busy as **ck CHERISHING EVERY MOMENT. And boy am I tired. But not so tired that I couldn't ignore my child to write this blog post (I cherished the moment of ignoring him while I ignored him).

Here I present my own shareable FB wisdom about children and parenting:

A poem about how kids will grow up or something more profound than that but I can't think of a better title.

One day your child will stop waking up every 45 minutes and you will actually sleep - real sleep.

One day you will clean a poo out of the shower for the last time.

One day you will be able to read a book that was written for adult people.

One day, for the last time, you will be woken by a toddler saying "my tummy..." and then they will vomit all over you and the entire family will have to shower at 4am - FOR THE LAST TIME.

One day, you will actually only have one load of washing to do.

One day you will go out with your girlfriends and dance till 4am and get drunk on house wine and have the best time ever and not think about your kids once.

One day your child will do an explosive poo in public that covers them from head to toe and leaks on to your arm and your new pants and you will realise you forgot wipes - for the last time.

You won't realise it at the time but one day when your child refuses to just put on their bloody shoes it will be the last time you will be an hour and forty five minutes late to something that was really important.

One day you will step on Lego for the last time.

One day, while laying in bed next to your child who won't sleep, thinking about the bills you are struggling to pay on one income, you'll not realise it's the last time you do this.

One day, you will hear the Fireman Sam theme tune for the last time. It won't even register.

One day your breasts will bleed and searing pain will rip through your body for the last time.

When your baby is screaming from the pain of teething and you're sobbing in the dark because you don't know how to help them and you feel like the worst mother in the world - it will be the last time.

And you didn't even realise.

One day you will carry a kicking and screaming toddler through a mall while people give you disapproving stares for the last time.

One day you will change the sheets on a bunk bed at 2am for the last time.

One day, and you won't realise it's the last time, your baby will smear yoghurt all over himself and his highchair and then throw it on the floor.

One day you will watch Frozen - for the last time.

You won't know it's the last time at the time. And one day you'll look back on those moments and think, I wish I could look at a pair of poo covered undies and try to work out if I should soak them or just throw them out. I wish I could have just one more cold coffee and a panadol as I try to fight off the most severe sleep deprivation I've ever experienced in my life. I wish, just once more, I could hoover down a meal while standing and then spend an evening in a room under a screaming baby. I wish I could hear Justine Clarke sing Watermelon while my children scream at each other. Just. One. More. Time.

Cherish every moment. EVERY SINGLE ONE. Every second. Every millisecond. Because one day they will grow up and you'll be sharing nostalgic and delusional poems about this time on whatever terrifying new platform Mark Zuckerberg has created.

Debate on this article is now closed.

- NZ Herald

• Follow Emily Writes on Facebook and check out her website here.

Get the news delivered straight to your inbox

Receive the day’s news, sport and entertainment in our daily email newsletter

SIGN UP NOW
Tired tales from the parenting coal-face: Mum of two Emily shares stories and solidarity while listening to Let it Go for the millionth time.

Emily Writes is a mum of two gorgeous boys under three. Her blog Mama Said took off when she wrote her first post about the ways parents are silenced - it went viral and since then she's been writing about the joy and heartbreak of parenting to a huge audience. Emily lives in Wellington with her husband and they're both really sick of picking Countdown cards and dominoes off the floor of their lounge. Once a week, we will share posts from Emily on what it's really like in the sleep-deprived world of parenting.

Read more by Emily Writes

Sort by
  • Oldest

© Copyright 2016, NZME. Publishing Limited

Assembled by: (static) on production apcf03 at 28 Sep 2016 05:02:15 Processing Time: 485ms