Sometimes I wonder why some products are split and sold by gender. Perfume and cologne, for example. How can one smell be for men, and another for women? Or: why must ladies always smell like flowers? WHY?
Body wash is no different: milk, honey, blossom and jasmine for ladies - who like to pretend at all times that they're swaying in a meadow. And musky, "energising" gels for men - who need strength for hunting paychecks and skirt.
Deodorant, too. Mine smells like a pretty cucumber and has soft, curvy lines like a lady. It also has pastel packaging to calm my hysteria. One shelf over, male deodorants are bigger and smell stronger - like MAN does - and come in darker, bolder packaging. (Fact: men don't smell worse, and the active ingredient is the same for both.)
Pens, however - no one in the modern age has bothered to create men's and ladies' versions.
Wait, they have! Noting an imaginary gap in the biro market, Bic has released a new line of "for her" pens that are especially "designed to fit comfortably in a woman's hand". The pens also have an "attractive barrel design available in pink and purple" and offer "easy glide" and "smoothness". Which is just the thing for women's hands and arms, prone as they are to doodling swirls and hearts for hours on end.
So, freedom of written expression awaits. As Amazon.com reviewer 'breemeup' says, echoed by other reviewers in a rare parade of crowd-sourced humour: "Finally! For years I've had to rely on pencils, or - at worst - a twig and some drops of my feminine blood."
Indeed. The world should probably prepare for an explosion of new recipes, poetry and Thank You notes, as the long backlog makes the exciting journey from inside ladies' heads onto the page. Get on board - plead with Husband for extra "grocery money" and sneak one into your basket today!
Follow Rebecca Kamm on Twitter.By Rebecca Kamm @rebeccakamm Email Rebecca