I am a firm believer in focusing on health rather than weight. But part of being healthy is feeling good and right now, I don't feel good. Last year I did a 12 week fat loss challenge and finished it feeling slimmer and fitter than ever before. For a while, I kept up the healthy eating.
Then I thought about what I was eating less and less until we arrive at now, where I basically just shovel whatever I feel like in my mouth whenever I feel like it.
Despite joining a football team and playing every week (we won the women's division two league on Sunday by the way!) I am heavier now than I was at the start of the season.
Whilst I'd love to blame the weight gain on the huge muscles I've developed, the fact that I heard my own stomach clap as I ran the other day suggests otherwise. My pants are tighter. My ring which has been really loose for quite some time now fits snuggly on my finger. And my face has puffed up like I'm having some sort of allergic reaction.
Most people probably haven't noticed and even if they have don't actually care. But I do. And it's a vicious cycle. I don't feel good because I haven't been taking care of myself, but feel unable to take better care of myself because I don't feel good. One thing about life that is slowly sinking in to me is that nothing is constant.