Hello and welcome to my final Herald column. Please sit down or if you're already sitting down, please stand up ... because you've got to get up to get down, yo! Years ago, at the age of 10, if someone had told me that one day I'd be writing a weekly column for the country's biggest newspaper I would've laughed in their face. Me? Ha! I laugh in your face! I've never thought of myself as a writer. I still don't, despite all the writing I've done.
To be honest, I struggle with words. I often forget them, you know, the official ones. Instead, I make words up. I use home-made words that sound similar to the real thing. Usually they're some sort of confused hybrid of two existing words.
Anyway, my point is it doesn't really matter. As long as people get the gist of what you're saying (or writing) they'll ingratiate you. Hmm, I think I used that term wrongly there ... oh well, I digest.
I hope you've enjoyed my writings. If you ask me I'm better at drawing.
Perhaps some national publication will ask me to do a weekly sketch using my coloured pencils. I'd even be willing to pull out my Stephen's Painting Sticks. Remember them? I wonder what happened to old Stephen? Maybe the world finally realised that his painting sticks were just felt tip pens after all ... "Hey Stephen, we're on to you. These sticks of yours aren't really magical!"
I read some shocking news the other day. Google's director, a chap by the name of Ray Kurzweil, has predicted that computers and robots will be more intelligent than humans within 15 years. Now, I know what some of you are thinking and yes, I thought the same thing, computers and robots are already more intelligent, aren't they? I mean come on, I've never heard of a computer making up silly words but then I guess that's his point. They've never had the capacity to.
They're machines made up of codes. They can only follow a programmed system. Creativity based on confusion is something they just don't do. You know what else they can't do? Crack jokes, flirt inappropriately or learn from experience. Time's are a-changing though, and according to Kurzweil computers will in fact be able to do those things soon. Kurzweil, 66, is all about this idea of "the singularity".
That's the moment in the not-too-distant future when humans and machines will supposedly converge. Well, if you were to ask me, I would've said "singularity" is the ability to have popularity while remaining single - surely one of the hardest things any human can do. If you're popular it's not long before you're scooped up by a potential lover. This leads me to another point, will computers and robots ever be able to love? They say love conquers all. If we're to believe that then perhaps that will be the tipping point. My advice for the next 15 years is to tread very carefully with your technology, folks. Whatever you do, don't let your screens fall in love with you. Because then they'll have us ... right where they want us! Darby out.