Are you a bit PC, OTT or blessed with a bit of sanity?
Take this highly questionable quiz, that has no science to back up its findings, and discover the true you.
READER WARNING: Do not attempt to swipe the page or press in your answers; this quiz may require the use of an archaic object called a pen.
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1. Which of the following is an option for the proposed new birth certificates?
a. X b. Y c. Why, oh why is this being considered at all?
2. With a super expensive, taxpayer funded sensory garden installed in a new prison wing, what should come next for criminals, while thousands of law-abiding citizens remain homeless?
a. An onsite KFC or Maccas. b. Aromatherapy, spa pools and Netflix. c. An electric chair, but one with a 5-star energy rating.
3. Proposed changes to tenancy agreements include vastly different notice times to be given by tenants (3 weeks) and landlords (3 months) Is this fair?
a. Not sure, can I read some open letters on the matter? b. Absolutely and landlords should help with removal costs, too. c. No, it's bloody not.
4. As one of the least populated countries on the planet and therefore fewer taxpayers, how is it that our prime minister is the sixth highest paid leader in the world, while countries like Canada and England pay roughly half that or less?
a. I don't know but isn't it great that a woman is so highly paid. b. They should throw a personal Learjet into the package as well. c. It's an absurd amount of money to be a paid mouthpiece for the real experts and advisers.
5. Why did the chicken cross the road?
a. To attend a #metoo demonstration. b. To book in for gender reassignment surgery. c. Probably to avoid the #metoo demonstration.
6. How much wood would a woodchuck chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
a. What does his contract say? b. Thank heavens for migrant workers doing the jobs that Kiwis won't do (supposedly). c. I googled it - about 700lb.
7. After a past column critical of Aucklanders, I received my fair share of hate mail, calling me a failed Aucklander for choosing to move to Wanganui, does that ...
a. Further prove my point? b. Make me the victim of bullies and trolls and worthy of a crowdfunding page for my emotional distress? c. Make me the lucky one for escaping that hellhole?
If you answered mainly a, you're PC to the core.
Scared to offend, you do what you believe society wants you to do, sometimes without even knowing why. I advise you steer clear of boats, in case they get rocked - or, at the very least, wear an approved, ethically-made life-jacket, sourced from renewable materials.
If you answered mostly b, you're OTT ... bordering on insane. Time to head down the rabbit hole and join the Mad Hatter's tea party. This message was brought to you by a gender fluid leprechaun.
For those who answered mainly c, I'm picking you don't have hair growing on your palms, hear voices or display any other signs of madness.
You are among the ever-dwindling numbers of those who can demonstrate some semblance of sanity, opting to live in the real world as opposed to the alternate realities that now house far too many.
Your certificate of participation is not in the post!
Questionaires and quips to: firstname.lastname@example.org