Watching the Labour Party choose a new leader is a bit like waiting for paint to dry so you can see whether it ends up looking like the colour it says on the tin.
There is plenty of introspection and navel gazing going on. The resulting navel fluff is unlikely to be useful unless it can be knitted into some sort of design for the future.
Picking a leader who smiles, waves a lot and makes empty speeches has been done already. John Key has cornered the insincere smiling, leaving little left for the left. (Why is it that the music for Mack the Knife always springs to mind when I see that grin?)
Being white, wealthy and a lawyer has usually been a useful combination. The advantages of being a male have been diminished by the likes of Helen Clark but I don't see any Labour women putting up their hands for the role despite the fact that there are some talented options; Annette King comes immediately to mind.
The times call for a Labour leader with the oratory skills of US President Barack Obama, the steadiness of German leader Angela Merkel, the patience of a refugee and the haircut from our own Winston Peters (his one and only public asset). We can look to French and Italian leaders for tips on style and presentation but should ignore their preponderance for financial and sex scandals.
The new leader needs enough charisma to be noticed along with the ability to withstand the onset of power-induced hubris and be able to respond to any crisis with dignity and grace intact. Having whiskers, moustache or beard seems to be unacceptable to voters. So no proto-hipsters.
The next Labour leader will need to be equipped with a moral compass, insult-proof armour, a quick wit, a slow hand that does not rush to point the finger of blame, solid shoes that can walk the talk and a good sense of direction. A past that includes time as a working class hero would be a huge advantage.
Labour should ignore current Australian examples of leadership which seem focused on dragging themselves up in the polls with socially divisive policy and declaring war on common sense. The leader should never, ever (note to Tony Abbott) be seen in public wearing what the Aussies call a budgie smuggler. A new leader will avoid creating a panic about possible terrorism and resist the temptation dangling before the New Zealand Cabinet to increase surveillance powers and dismantle democratic freedoms. There will be no rush to arms to fight in far-flung countries but calm consideration of the options.
There will be a need to act on inequality and the effect this has on the lives of New Zealand's most vulnerable, especially children. This is core Labour territory but they seem to have wandered into the wilderness of dithering and meaningless muttering. They need a leader who can bring them back into the world of meaningful politics. This will require setting an example and resisting the push for ever-increasing entitlements for MPs. The fact that all parties suddenly seem able to unite when it comes to their perks but cannot agree on a meaningful response to social inequality is a sure sign of what the public rightly regard as greed.
So, a new Labour leader will need to combine the talents of a superhero, the rhetorical panache of a street poet, the astute strategic skills of a chess master and the ability to stop talking and listen. That sounds much like effective parenting? Clearly the next Labour leader will need to be able to behave like a grown-up.
Terry Sarten is a Whanganui-based writer, musician and social worker. Feedback: tgs@inspire.net.nz